Things Never Turn Out How You Want Them To...

Although I am not a student anymore, I do still work for Chi Alpha, so it still makes it easier to think of my life in terms of semesters. Since this is my blog and I can say whatever I want, that's what I'm gonna do.

This semester has not turned out at all like I had planned. For those of you that truly know me, you would know that I probably had little to no plans. I did have some expectations, but things went differently. Maybe I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Maybe I had no idea what God had in store for me.

This was easily the hardest semester for me in many ways. I am trying to manage my own life now. I am trying to figure out who I am. I am trying to find my passions and dreams for my life. I am trying to grow to be a better man. I have found that in most cases, growing is not very comfortable.

Let's start with some of the good things that have happened this semester:
-I have learned to trust God a whole lot more (not enough room to fully explain here...)
-The daycare job has been the best job I have ever had
-great coworkers
-great babies/tots
-pushes all the right buttons inside of me
-for some reason (which I can't explain) the babies/tots seem to love me...
-My prayer life is increasing slowly
-corporately
-spiritually
-I have enough money (God has made sure of that)
-I am much better at Halo: Reach than Halo 3
-met more new, great people
-had my first ever babysitting job (which was scary, but turned out okay)

Here are the not so good things that have happened:
-I have had less time to spend with the people that truly matter to me
-less free time (which I expected to happen)
-lots and lots of stress
-Still searching for what to do for a career
-Sick Grandma

Although it has seemed like the hardest semester for me to date, I think I have done the most growing this semester as well, especially spiritually. I feel closer to God than ever before. I think that if most of us would actually stop and think, we would have no choice but to conclude that we are truly blessed by God. He totally looks out for us and only has the best in mind for us. It's all a part of growing up.

I am definitely a different person after this semester, certainly for the better! (At least as far as I can tell...)

The Search for Mrs. Hull

I know what you're thinking, and this is not some announcement or update or anything like that. Believe me, when I find her, everyone will know about it. I will never be able to contain that kind of information, haha. Following after God can be and often is very costly. Scripture in fact says that you should take up your cross daily and follow Jesus. Following in this area has easily been the most difficult of my life, and I would argue that it is one of, if not the most difficult areas to surrender to God in anyone's life. I think this is because it flies in the face of everything we have seen in our world growing up, or even been taught in school or at home. We are supposed to grow up and when we are a certain age, we are supposed to have our own family. I think there are somethings that are easy to give up, like listening to bad music or seeing bad movies, but giving up dating and relationships is giving something up that affects the rest of your life. Giving up the thoughts, dreams, ambitions of that nature can be very difficult, especially outside of the grace of God.

Not having dated a whole lot previously does make it a little easier to give this up. I don't have to change my lifestyle a lot in order to surrender in this area of my life. I think I have maybe been on 2 or 3 legitimate dates, which I will not even begin to get into (I know you all are soooooo shocked to hear that, hahahaha). I consider myself lucky that I haven't been hurt in a relationship like that before, and I don't ever intend to get hurt.

It is kinda difficult to live your life with the thought that you could have met your perfect match, know that the time is not right at this moment. My perfect match, the one God has picked out for me, could be sitting right next to me while I am writing this blog for all I know. Do you ever wonder that? Do you ever wonder if you have already met your perfect match and just haven't connected the dots? I just have no way of knowing. Maybe if you have some way of knowing, you could tell me? It is so enormously difficult to wait on God, but with His Grace, I can do it.

I also realize that I am no where near ready for her, even if she comes along into my life, or if she already has. I have a little ways to go...

I just hope she can wait for me too...

One Month Update...

Hello everyone!

I guess I haven't been writing on this blog too often lately. I have been busy with work at the daycare, and work with Chi Alpha Purdue. This first month has definitely been a life changing month for me. I now absolutely love and adore kids, especially the younger ones after working at the daycare. I can now change a diaper correctly and fairly quickly. I have gained limited experience on the administrative side of running a large scale ministry like the one here at Purdue Chi Alpha. I still have this feeling that things are just getting started here, even after four years of being on campus, or in my case a month of being on campus. I feel as if we are on the verge of explosion, that God is preparing to do something bigger than we have previously experienced here.

Even after a month of being here, I am still trying to find my place among the staff, my role, how I can fit in among the other staff members. It is always tough coming in from the outside and trying to make yourself part of a group, but I know God has a place and a plan for me here, so I try not to worry about that so much.

This has so far been a month of firsts. The first time I've lived on my own, the first time I've gone grocery shopping for myself, the first time I've held a baby, the first time I've changed a diaper, the first time I've lead a bible study, the first time I've trusted God so much.

It has been a wild and crazy ride, and it can only get better from here...

Little Children

As many of you may or may not already know, I now work at a daycare during the day. After working there for a few days, I have gained a new prospective in life. And a new prospective on what Jesus was talking about in Matthew 18: 5, 6 which says:

5: "And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. 6: But of anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.

Before last week, I had never really played with kids, much less be responsible for their well-being for most of the day. Needless to say, I was extremely scared before going in for the first time on Friday. I had to do a lot of praying beforehand. I feel that God blessed my prayers and answered them. I am trying to have a great attitude about this job, and I believe it's working. My job at the daycare doesn't even feel like actual work yet...

It amazes me how trusting children are. Today, I would hold out my arms wide open and smile, and most of, if not all would run to me without doubt or question. I think this type of trust and belief that children have is was Jesus was talking about. You should never take advantage of children or even believers who are young in the faith. At such young ages, children don't have the ability to think for themselves and make their own decisions yet. I now have more revelation about this passage in the book of Matthew. Yay!

You Know, It's Really Funny...

You know it's really funny what happens when you get desperate before God and cry out to him. You will usually get exactly what you need, or rather what he has planned for you. This Friday and Saturday were especially tough for me. I was eaten up completely by the stress of trying to raise support to be on campus for Chi Alpha Purdue and finding a job. It was so bad I had to lay down the other day for a little while. Then you know, if you go out in public, you have to put on a smiley face for everyone so they don't know what's going on. I was pretty much in tears. Maybe I find it hard to motivate myself. I am just not the most self-motivated person ever. I work better in a bigger setting where I have a specific job I can do like cashiering at Walmart for example. Over the summer there were many times when I doubted what I was getting myself into. By then it was way to late to run away of course. Of course if I were to run away, the enemy would just shoot me in the back so what's the point anyway? I really am trying my best, and God is meeting me at .000000000000000000001% of the way there. Thanks for making up the difference God!

I hate moving.

I hate moving. There is too much stress, wondering if you remembered everything, and general craziness. However, it's the only way to initiate change sometimes. You would think after moving so much as a child and in my years in college, that I would be a professional by now, but it's not the case. I am completely exhausted today (Thursday) with pretty much no end in sight. I am not too sure that my BFF caffeine can even help me now. Hopefully seeing all my close friends again will give me the energy to keep it going until Sunday or Monday when I might have a chance to rest. It's a good thing that I have been getting into coffee over the summer more and more. I guess sleeping instead of writing this would help too... God help me!

Summer Update 2

I realize I haven't been doing summer updates on my life as a Chi Alpha staffer so I will go ahead and do that. A few month back I reported that I was sending out support letters and stuff. I have been following up on those and God has been blessing the conversations I have been able to have. I still have a little more time to do some last minute fund raising. It looks as of now that I will need to work a part time job to make things work according to how they want it to work, which I am fine with of course. I am well over half way there as far as fund raising is concerned. It all depends on the people I have left to meet with. Hopefully if I can raise a few more hundred dollars in monthly commitments, then I won't have to work too much on the side.

It has been a depressing summer for me for the most part with the stresses of fund raising and just the other things that have happened to me, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel finally. I started all of this stuff with very little training and absolutely no idea what I was doing. Lately most of the people I have contacted just want to give to me and don't even feel like they need to hear my presentation (which I am totally fine with haha...). I think if I keep plugging along for the next week and I find that part-time job, that life will be good.

I can't wait to get to campus and have a chance to impact lives. I have a ton of ideas I would like to try. I am willing to try most anything, and I know that this year will be one of the most challenging of my life. I know that my leaders are fully prepared to stretch me as far as they can, and maybe they can finally realized the potential they see in me that I may not even see myself.

Thank you to all of those who have given or prayed or will be a part of my life for the next year. See you in a week. Yay!

Stop and Smell the Roses...

Stop and smell the roses... I am sure everyone of you out there reading this has heard that expression before. It can have a variety of meanings. I think our society is far too bent on working so hard that life passes many of us by. We need to stop and smell the roses. Stop and take a minute to look at the world around you. What cool things are happening right under your nose that you don't know about? You may never know unless you stop and take a whiff... I feel like my life has been like that somewhat. I am one that is not absolutely bent on scheduling every little minute of every day, but sometimes I feel like life is passing me by and that I need more adventure in my life. Today I went to the Indiana State Fair for the first time ever. I have lived in Indiana for nearly 11 years and I had not yet been down there. It was an epic experience. I got to see tons of sweet animals and even had an elephant ear. It was amazing. Probably one of the most fun days of the summer that I've had. This summer had been the toughest summers to date with my dog dying and my Dad losing his job but then getting another one (Praise God!). It had just seemed like one thing after another was just piling on. But today I stopped and smelled the roses. I think that next summer I want to take a few weeks and just drive all around the country, mostly to the west of the Mississippi River since I haven't really visited out there much. I just want to do something totally random and crazy like that! I have determined that it will take me 3-4 days to drive out to the beaches in California. Sometimes I feel like I don't have enough adventure in my life. So maybe stopping and smelling the roses means adding a little spice to your life, a little more adventure. It will look different for everyone, but I think it would do us all a lot of good to do it more often. As long as you're not allergic to the pollen...

Nicknames

I have always wanted a nickname. Something fun or abbreviated that people call me. Like "Andy" for "Andrew" or "Mike" for "Michael" or "Becca" for "Rebecca" (or "Bekah" for "Rebekah" alternatively). Or something fun like "The Situation" if any of you have ever seen Jersey Shore... Since I don't really have friends I have known longer than say 5-10 years, it's not like I have lifelong friends that know me inside and out.

Obviously there are some rules regarding nicknames like you can't give yourself a nickname or stuff like that. I am all about following the rules and stuff.

I think one acceptable one for me is "Paulie". Its an augmented version of my name. Since I have such a short name, in order to have a different form, I have to add on to it. I have 3 or 4 people that currently use that to get my attention regularly, so I think it counts...

I guess I will start introducing myself as "Paulie" instead of "Paul" and see what happens...
(and if you read this, you should know what to call me from now on.)

Finding Yourself...

People talk all the time about "finding yourself" or whatever that means... (I don't exactly know.) If I was to guess, I would imagine it to mean finding that one thing God has naturally made you to do for which you have so much talent that it comes naturally or perhaps doing it just "feels right". I have always wondered what that felt like. It is so hard not to look around and compare myself to my peers. I had a friend once call me "Mr. Average" and that has stuck with me in the back of my head for years and years. I watch all the people around me and I feel like I am being left behind. I try to keep telling myself that one day it will be my turn, but I am tired of waiting for that day. Perhaps I am not ready for that day, I don't know. I once even had this prophesied over me (which went something to the effect of: you are watching all the people around you go forth and you want to go, but God is doing a work inside you so you can't go yet), so God clearly knows how I feel and has reached out to try to calm my nerves (on more than one occasion).

I realize that for the most part, no matter how talented or gifted you are, there will almost always be someone that will easily outshine you. At least when I measure myself against my peers, I have a slim chance of comparing favorably. Then I look to heaven and realize I have zero chance of measuring up. Which is depressing and encouraging at the same time. What would be the point in believing in a God that we can measure up to? We wouldn't need Him if we could do what He does...We could all be our own gods if we could do what He does...

I wish I could find my special place in life where I fit perfectly like two puzzle pieces that belong together or that thing I have a passion for. I feel like sometimes I am walking aimlessly through life without a clue as to what I am doing. I desperately don't want to get left behind. Pray that I find my calling. Pray that I find my passion. I am praying all the time. As you can tell, I need all the help I can get...

Goodbye Rusty...

Here is a song for while you are reading this...

Ignore the pictures in the video if you like (they are not mine), I am sure they are lovely though. Some random person made the slideshow. I just needed the song...

---

This post is an extremely sad and tough one for me to write. But it's one of the few healthy ways I have of obtaining closure to this situation.

First, the reason I am writing this: My dog Rusty. Here are some memories I have of him.

I loved him. He passed away on Wednesday July 7th. I think he was sick or something and that in combination with the heat and extreme difficulty breathing eventually lead to his death. This will sound weird, but it's the first time I have actually experienced death in any part of my family, and I don't care what people say, Rusty was a part of my family. He ended up deteriorating over the course of a week or so as far as I can tell. My Dad says he hasn't been the same since the last time he ran away which was a few months ago. I still don't know why or how he died, but he is gone forever... I didn't really cry until he was on the table at the vet and we had to say goodbye to him for the very last time. He was about 8 years old or so, which is about middle-aged for Rottweilers/German Shepherds.

Here are a few pictures of him. First some from when he was younger. We got him from the Hamilton County Humane Society when he was 11 weeks old. He wasn't even housebroken yet, which made for a kinda funny first few weeks if you catch my drift...

You can see from the pictures why he was so hard to say no to at the shelter... We did get to meet his mother at the shelter, which was the Rottweiler. I remember being so excited when we got him. He was our first legit pet. He was 11 weeks and 11 pounds or so when we first got him. At that time we could pick him up quite easily. That only lasted about a few more weeks, though.

He was so young that he wasn't house broken yet. There was this one time I left my Sega controllers on the ground, and he pooped on them. I was only mildly upset at the time (you try getting upset at something that cute...). It was a pretty small mess, and therefore easy to clean up. It didn't ruin anything.

He did cheat death this one time. He got loose from us and was running around the neighborhood. He wandered out onto the road. I was following behind him, keeping an eye on him since he wouldn't come back to us quickly. There was a car coming down the street and he darted out onto the pavement. The car saw him and slowed down, but it was too late and Rusty got hit by the car. He was pretty big at this point and the car slowed down enough that Rusty was only left with a scar and a bump. He didn't even break a bone or anything like that, cause he was a beast.

Here are some ones from when he was a little older...

In case you can't tell by now, he was a German Shepherd and Rottweiler mix. He ended up around 115 pounds or so when he was finished growing and was tall/long enough to put his paws on my shoulders. I am about 5 ft 11 inches tall. In conclusion, he was HUGE!!! He was probably big enough for small children to use as a horse or something... I used to joke with other people that had dogs that I judge them by whether or not they could fit into my dog's food dish. At peak size, he was able to eat off our dining table just by standing right next to it, so we had to be careful for that. I used to love wrestling with him. And I could do this because he was very large. I also loved the fact that I could bear hug him. As someone that reserves hugs for the special people or situations in my life, this says something.

Aside from not being well trained for walking, he was very well behaved. I was able to teach him how to greet people. He would offer his paw for a shake if you held your hand out for him. If you had a piece of food or a treat in your hand, and he knew that you had it, he would first sit down and then he would lay down automatically. We had toys for him, so he wouldn't really chew through our stuff. He was very loyal. When I would fight with my sister and we would hit each other, he would growl at us because of his protective nature. While under normal circumstances he would barely hurt a fly, if something were to happen to us I had full confidence that he would defend us to the end. I used to get a good laugh when he would be terrified of dogs 1/10 of his size because they were barking at him. I thought it was hilarious when he would chase the leaves blowing in the wind. He was so strong that conventional leashes were not good enough. We had to use steel cable or chain when we walked him.

Eventually he got pretty huge, so we built him a house outside for him to live in if we were gone from the house. My Dad and I built it ourselves, which was a good time. They were pretty good accommodations as far as I was concerned.

Having a dog really impacted my life. I had a rough time making close friendships throughout high school and the beginning of college. No matter how my day went, I could depend on Rusty to be excited to see me and try to use his tackle and lick attack on me. He was always available for comfort. He was the closest thing to unconditional love I will probably experience on this earth... That is the great thing about dogs. You could be completely mad at them and it won't affect how they feel about you. There is a reason why dogs are often referred to as man's best friend. I now know that personally.

Obviously there is no way I can make you understand what Rusty meant to me. There are just a handful of memories I have had. He brought untold amounts of joy to the Hull household during his years here.

The song is "New" by Bethany Dillon.

"You take an ordinary day

and turn it into flowers like the month of May

Yes you do

You see all my pain and cry over it for hours 'til I'm new again

Yes you do"

There will be other dogs, but there will never be another Rusty.

One Step at a Time...

You know, there's that proverb that goes something like...

"You can't walk a mile unless you take the first step."

... or something like that. (Don't quote me on that, haha)

But you get the idea...

I am by no means wise enough to suggest new proverbs (I will leave that to the professionals), but I propose this addition: You must also peek at where you are walking to (or at least have someone watching for you). It is important to walk with a purpose, or you will get lost. Lost in a store, lost in life, etc... The whole picture is important.

Examples:

The walls around Jericho didn't collapse on the first day. The Israelites had to start on the first day and journey to the seventh day. And even on the seventh day they had to still march seven times around the city... (Joshua 6) They had the big picture of the city of Jericho falling, and had to begin on the first day marching... They also had God watching or determining the future for them...

Or it's like when a guy first meets a girl. You don't jump straight to putting your arm around her or holding her hand. You start with trying super hard to remember her name and maybe a few details from your first, probably surface level conversation. Perhaps a little later you might secure that "first date". You also then will seek out the opinion of your friends about this new "person of interest". (Not that I am some kind of professional at boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, never having been in one yet...)

I am only merely trying to suggest that it is important to think about where you have been, where you want to go, and where you are actually going. I also think it's important to think about how you will get to where you are going. As for me, I have God watching my path, so I only have to see a step or two forward at a time. Any more than that and I just might explode. (which would be the end of this blog by the way.)

The first step is just as important as the last step, and you can't get to the last step without the first step.

Just something to think about.

Lord, Here I Go...

Lord, I don't know where you have called me,

But here I go.

Lord, I don't know what I am doing,

But here I go.

I have never trusted you like this before.

I can't imagine what it will be like.

I believe in you.

You will never leave me, you will never forsake me,

so here I go.

You have plans for me, you have blessings for me,

so here I go.

I know you are with me, so here I go...

Reflections on the Past 4-5 Years of My Life

Senior Year Part 2 (2009-2010)

Wow how time flies when you're busy obtaining your world class education at a world class institution such as Purdue University. I had finally arrived to what would be my last year at Purdue, although it seemed like it only took minutes to get there. The previous year I had lived alone, but this year I would have a legit roommate (and he is pretty legit...). I stayed in Cary since it was pretty cheap compared to some other residence halls. I had my friend Andy living in my room and my friend Dan living in my room as well (he was in the room so much that we should have charged him rent).

Since my college career was winding down and I was just finishing up some odds and ends, I didn't have that many classes left to take at this point. First semester I had 15 hours and second semester I had 12 hours, and they were not the most difficult I have ever had. Needless to say, I had a ton of extra time on my hands to do whatever I felt like. I would like to say I used that time for something productive, but I probably didn't. A lot of the time was spend watching my roommate doing his engineering homework.

This year was a little different for me. It was my last chance to make an impact on the campus. It was my last chance to leave my mark. And so that's what I tried to do there. I had an opportunity to meet a lot of new people in Chi Alpha and as it so happened, many of them lived in the dorms. I thought it would be nice, especially for the freshman that I had met who were new to this gigantic campus, if there was some way we could build some community. My solution was food, which solves most problems in life. I really enjoyed all the times I had with my friends at those huge lunch or dinner tables we had. I would look forward to the two or three times a week that I could eat with my friends. It was epic great times! We also had tons of adventures like the time we just walked all over the campus taking random pictures. We walked around the agriculture mall and the vet building on the campus (which has an animal grand prix portrayed in statue form). I built many memories that I will take with me for the rest of my life (or facebook can remind me if necessary) and I hope that they have something from this year that they can take with them as well.

Our Chi Alpha group was really taking off. God was pouring in the numbers for us. We had really had some growth, almost to the point of being too big for our current operations. It has been really great to watch what God is doing in this group of outstanding college students. Moving our main meeting to Fridays turned out to be an excellent decision, although I doubted it at first.

Last year I had a chance to do interviews for my clinical year of Medical Technology. It was round two for me. The two people I interviewed with last year happened to remember me. It took me a while, but I decided that was a good thing. I interviewed with three hospitals this time instead of two. I felt slightly more confident about it this year than last year. It was a very nerve-racking time for me, but I got through it with God's help. I didn't end up making it in again, but that turns out to be a good thing as I will explain later...

This year for spring break I decided to do something I had never done before. Go travelling on my own somewhere else. I visited my good friend Cory down in Vincennes, Indiana. I had such a good time playing his Xbox a lot and meeting more of his friends who were very nice and welcoming to me. It was really refreshing to me to visit him. I had a great time, and I hope to do more stuff like that in the future.

Now onto the two things that all seniors must face: Graduation! And what to do after graduation. My plan for after graduation for the last couple of years was to do the clinicals that I previously mentioned and then become a Medical Technologist. Those plans were trashed when I was rejected from going to the clinical classes. I hadn't really thought about what I would do as a backup plan before. I hadn't even really looked for a job for after graduation like most people would do. I didn't have a clue what I wanted to do.

Well a couple of weeks before graduation, I decided to do the "Give a Year, Pray About a Lifetime" with Chi Alpha. That solves my planning issues for the next year at least...

I had a lot of things running through my head at the end of the school year. I was very excited to be done with school finally. I was feeling very accomplished, like I had finally reached the top of the mountain I had been trying so hard to climb the last five years. It was a surreal feeling to walk across that stage with all the lights shining on me. After all the hard work, after all the sleepless nights, after all the homework, projects, and other random assignments the professors liked to throw upon me, I won.

I had the paper to prove it too...

The last thing I guess I should mention is the graduation party I had. I was very worried that not many people would be able to make it because it was far away from Lafayette. However, I was pleasantly surprised to see that many of my friends were able to make it down. Some even made it that I wasn't expecting. I wanted everyone from my college life to have an opportunity to meet the people that make me who I am, my parents and sister. It was a great way to cap off my 5 year expedition.

At the end of the day, I am proud of everything that happened in those five years. I would never ever take any of it back.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Summer Update...

Here's a summer update so far...
I have sent out the first wave of my support letters for next year. I need to trust God to provide for me now (as always). I will be calling people soon and possibly meeting with them, but not before I do a ton of praying. I do not yet have a part time job for the summer, which is kind of a problem, but I will keep looking. In the meantime, I have been doing a bunch of reading. I am almost finished with UnChristian, I have just started Experiencing Father's Embrace and I did finally finish Power Through Prayer (although that one may require a second read through for full effect). I also have enough books on my shelf to keep me busy for the entire summer. This past weekend I visited West Lafayette and God provided for me! I think I may have my living situation for the next year figured out (and for a cheap price too, which is an answer to prayer). I also may have a part time job possibly lined up for next year, but we will see about that one haha. Kids are really not my thing yet, but I am willing to try... Now I am back at home and have to resume the grind of the summer. It is so tough to be away from "my people" but it is something I must do to get my ducks in a row. This Thursday I will be doing a film shoot for a Great Lakes Chi Alpha Promotional video which should be fun... That's all for now. Be back soon...

It's Hard Being First

Sometimes it's hard being first.

You have no example to follow.

You have no idea if you're doing things the right way.

It is a lonely feeling.

Their eyes are watching you.

What will the others think?

What will the others say to you?

What if you mess it up?

But what if you succeed?

What if you are doing things the right way?

How will you know if you don't try?

Reflections on the Past 4-5 Years of My Life

Senior Year Part 1 (2008-2009)

This entry has more of a show and tell feel to it. The first part of this story has to do with my room. Here are some pics so you can get an idea of what I was living in. I actually signed up for this room to live by myself. I signed up for it without even looking at it. I didn't know the size until I got there on move in day.

A view from the door... You can see how the huge tv dwarfs everything in my room.

The original room configuration. I could not fully rotate that desk chair 360 degrees. There wasn't enough room.

The new room configuration, where I could fully rotate my desk chair.

Okay, I just put this on here to make me look smarter... hopefully it worked...

A surround sound speaker. A man must have his sound system.

My desk. I like to call it organized confusion. It might look messy, but I usually don't lose anything. I promise.

This was my room. It was quite small, but I eventually learned to live with it. I had a few freshmen come by the first night and comment on how small the room was. One even called it a "jail cell". That's what I get for not shopping around first right? The very first night I was there, some of the previously mentioned freshmen that came into my room smelled the blood right away, figuratively speaking. Within five minutes of talking to me, they discovered that I was over 21 (and thus eligible) and asked me to buy them some alcohol at the store. I never did know how serious they were, but obviously I told them I wouldn't do that. I imagine they were serious.

This floor I lived on was the craziest floor I was ever a part of. I guess it was never boring either, like it or not. I lived with a bunch of freshmen. I was about as old as my RA or perhaps even older, I never did figure that one out. There were fights, loud noises at night, blood drops randomly in the hallway, kids returning from the parties drunk, a snowball fight in the hallway, and real fights among other random stuff. Never have I ever been a part of a crazier group of guys.

In December of this year, we had the 2nd World Missions Summit, so obviously I was there. It was a Chi Alpha Nationwide Conference that they put together bringing in missionaries from around the world, as well as students from all around the country. This was a pretty crazy conference. I got to hear from people who are on the front lines of ministry on other college campuses or in other countries. I got to see some of my friends that I had met the year before at SALT again, so that was fun. I also met some new people like the campus pastor at University of Wyoming (totally random...). Our Chi Alpha group had recently sent them some money for their Chi Alpha house, I believe, so maybe it wasn't so random... It was here at this conference that I signed the Give a Year, Pray About a Lifetime card along with a few hundred of my closest friends. I didn't give too much thought about it then, but this decision would turn out to affect my life in a great way.

Since the conference was in Cincinnati, I walked to Kentucky with a group of my friends in the middle of the night which was just as much fun as the year before at SALT. And since it wasn't as cold this time, we didn't freeze.

This was the year I was supposed to apply to my clinical classes for Medical Technology. I didn't feel that great about my chances because my grades weren't spectacular, and one of the other larger portions is the interview and I definitely didn't have confidence in that either. I decided I would try anyway and you never really know what's going to happen (only God knows). I pretty much knew I wasn't going to get in, but yet it still made me very upset to read the rejection letter because no one likes rejection. It was hard to take because this is what I was planning my life for. I changed my major with the expectation that I would be moving on from college life to these clinical classes. God had other plans for me (which will be addressed in the next entry of this series).

The next big event of the year was the spring break trip to Carbondale, IL to hang out with a more veteran/larger Chi Alpha group. Even though they have a smaller campus than Purdue, they had a much larger group than we did at the time. We basically did everything that their Chi Alpha group normally does along with them. We also did some special outreaching stuff like surveys and God table. We also watched this seminar from Bill Gothard. There was so much truth and teaching presented in those videos that I was exploding by the second day. I struggled with the sheer volume of truth he presents. One day we had a planned fun day. We went to this park to hang out. We were supposed to play ultimate frisbee, but the frisbee was left at the house we were staying at. So we decided to play ultimate water bottle. Same rules as ultimate frisbee, except that the frisbee is replaced with a full water bottle as seen below...

While we were playing, I got hit in the face with the water bottle, which promptly ended the game. I was hit in my mouth and was slightly dazed for a few minutes afterward...Oh what fun!

During the week before Easter, we did some special outreaches for the first time on campus. We had some extra surveys and we also read the Bible out loud to people walking by. I occupied the very first time slot with my friend Levi at 11 am Monday morning. I was freezing cold and I forgot my gloves. I had a hard time feeling my hands after that was over, but hopefully someone somewhere gained something from hearing God's word.

This was a pretty crazy year as they all seem to be. But I saved the craziest for last...

Reflections on the Past 4-5 Years of My Life

Junior Year (2007-2008)

I didn't know it at the time, but looking back on it, this was the year that completely turned my life around in every way. In every area of my life, I was turned upside down by Jesus. Let's go for a ride...

So this is the year that Chi Alpha got started on Purdue's West Lafayette campus again after a significant absence. God answered my desperate prayers (I am sure I wasn't the only one praying...) in pretty short order. This is a pretty significant request, and so it seemed like God was just waiting for us to ask in order to unleash the blessings. At least thats what it felt like. We started out with a decent number for a new Chi Alpha group, probably 15-20 people or so. Many of them were from the church I had started going to, or from the Bible study from the previous year. We had our meetings on Thursday nights.

Our Pastor preached on a wide variety of topics that fall. From what I've heard, she would pray and ask God, hear from God, and then prepare a message. Which is a good way to do things I might add. Of course the topic I am going to talk about is the Baptism of the Holy Spirit (BHS), which you can read about for yourselves in the Bible. I guess you could say that it changed my life. I had received the BHS before when I was younger, but I didn't know what to do with it. I didn't really know that much about it. But after hearing the sermon, I went to the front and received it. I am not someone that does too many crazy things, but this would be right up there...

This is a really good point to mark the before and after picture. Everything before this is the before picture, and everything after this is the after picture. For my life, it really is like those commercials on TV that you never believe the transformation that occurs from before to after. I would argue that it my transformation is even more unbelievable. Those that knew me before and then after know what I'm talking about...

I don't even know what happened to me. I can't explain it, other than I gave God permission to come in and clean me up and do His work to me and He did that. It was all a blur to me. I still can't ever remember much about it. One thing I can say he did was open me up to people. He gave me an ability to quickly be open with people. I was suddenly able to look people in the eyes when conversing with them. Maybe this is easy for some people, but this was a true transformation for me. He literally unleashed a different person...

Maybe some other good thing also happened that year, but the most important thing left to talk about is the Spring Break Trip we took to Peoria, IL and IHOP-KC for the week. I believe this is the other thing that really helped to shape me as a person during my college life. The idea behind this trip was to expose us to what a "typical" Chi Alpha meeting and group looked like. All our missionaries had participated in Chi Alpha during their time in college and had an idea in our head, but they decided it would be more powerful if they could show us instead of telling us.

I almost didn't go on this trip. What an opportunity I would have missed. It was a day or so before the deadline and I hadn't even remotely thought about going, but my friend Lauren bugged and nagged me into going and so I decided to give it a try. (Sidebar: There could be people around you waiting for you to invite them to come along. They probably want to go, but people want to be wanted, and this helped me to go.) I got signed up just in time for this. Man, am I glad she did so...

First stop on the trip is Peoria, IL and the Chi Alpha there. I was fortunate enough to stay with a gracious host family. The first night we got there we had about an hour to go to our places we were staying, and then we had to go to their service at their sweetness Chi Alpha house. I decided to have a little fun on this trip, to let loose and try to get rid of the inhibitions that have entangled me so much in my life, within reason of course. I set a goal for the night (see my post about setting goals...). It was to meet 5 new ladies and remember their names. Difficult, but attainable and measurable. I don't know that I had it that night, but by the time I left, I knew more than 5 ladies names... I was determined hahahahahahaha!!!

While we were there, one of the things we did was some evangelism on their campus. This came in the form of God Table, and prayer walking, and singing songs out loud in public. All of these things were very new to me. God was by no means new to me, but sharing God in public and standing up for my faith was a new thing for me. It was quite scary but I would never see most of these people again I figured, so I decided to try everything out that I could. It felt really good to finally step out there and try something bold for Jesus.

This next part is a little awkward to tell, but I believe it's necessary to tell, since I'm trying to be honest and forthcoming with everyone that reads this. This one is about words. The words we say to others especially. I certainly had some problems with the words and sarcasm I was using toward other people. I liked to use it cause I thought it was funny, and I usually got a good laugh when using it as well. However it was just plain mean sometimes and degrades people where that needs not to happen. I slipped on it this one time and called one of my friends "trash" when under normal circumstances I would normally never do this. Needless to say, that was the last time I ever did that. I felt so gross all over after that happened. Even today if I say something negative about someone else, it makes me feel totally gross all over. Today I guess I would say when other people do it and I am not even involved, it still makes me feel gross...

The second part of this revolutionary trip was the trip to the International House of Prayer in Kansas City. I believe it's in the Missouri part of Kansas City... A building solely dedicated to prayer. How unbelievable that is... It was a strange experience being there, even for me. Being raised in a Pentecostal environment, I have seen a lot of things, but I even saw some things here that were strange for me. I guess there are various ways we can worship God, and who am I to say what is good and bad. There were flag wavers, and dancers among others. I also had an opportunity to go to their prophecy room to have a word of prophecy spoken over me. That was an interesting experience. Maybe one of these days I will go back and listen to that tape. I can't even begin to describe the experience I had there, other than the fact that God was all over that place. It is something you really have to go and experience for yourself.

This trip was one of the highlights of my time at Purdue. I would say that after this trip, I actually felt like part of a family. I felt like a part of something that was bigger than myself. I had finally found what I was looking for. Some people to love and accept me for who I am. I really felt close to the group that went with us on the trip. We all grew closer together, and closer to God. It was one of the best times of my life. And I am sure glad that my friend bugged me about it until I decided to go... Thanks Lauren...

Reflections on the Past 4-5 Years of My Life Part 2

I can tell you right now that the next two entries will be especially long...If that means much to any of you.

Sophomore Year (2006-2007)

This year, as I remember it, was the year that my life kinda started to change for the better. It started to head in the right direction...

I started off with a new roommate. My first one wasn't bad or anything, but I felt that I would be more comfortable with my new one. He is from my home church, and I had known him a while, so I was sure that we would get along well, and we did.

This next part of the story would change the course of my life forever. My roommate got this religious preference card from the university (which I never filled out...). He filled it out and turned it back in. So later on he gets this email from some random person about a call-out meeting for Chi Alpha. We had only heard of this because his dad was a part of it when he was in college. So we both attended the meeting. I of course was freaking out because there was a lot of new people, and I wasn't doing so well with new people yet. I had a good time because I absolutely love bowling. There was also an opportunity to sign up to show interest in a bible study and a morning prayer meeting. And being raised in a Christian home, these introductory activities were non-threatening to me so I showed some interest by signing up.

By this time, I had made a few more friends on our floor. I had probably doubled my friend output from my freshman within the first month. There were some people on my floor that were very friendly to me. Being a bunch of guys, we of course had Halo to draw us together and build community. I guess all you need to make friends is some common courtesy and some common interest...

While I was making some kind of progress in the friends department, the academic department was suffering a major depression. I was doing worse and worse in my CS classes. The general disappointment in my poor performance lowered my self-esteem because I placed great value in how I did in school, and not much else really. I felt like a failure every time something didn't go right for me. I was way too hard on my self and it took a toll on me. I tried to get some help with my school work, but the professors I saw didn't seem to want to help me. Or maybe they just couldn't? I don't know. The combination of loneliness and depression from lack of self-esteem and self-worth is a dangerous one. While I never came close to attempting to take my own life, I definitely thought about it. I used to always wonder if anyone would notice if I was gone for good. The truth is, someone would have noticed. Someone would have cared. God cares...

So I was having all of these problems. This made me a desperate person. With God, wonderful things tend to happen when desperation is introduced. I attended all the bible studies and prayers I could go to with the Chi Alpha group, mostly out of wanting new friends. While I was there I decided I would take advantage of the situation and cry out to God in prayer. I don't know if I would call it prayer necessarily, more like I was begging God for some kind of answer for how to fix my life which at any moment could have slipped down hill for the worst.

Fast forward to around Valentines day in 2007. We had a huge snow storm that week that yielded over 10 inches of snow and got classes cancelled for two days for the first time in 20 years. This was a rare occurrence indeed. I don't think I left Earhart for two straight days. There was no reason to since there was food right inside of my building...

This snowstorm was also significant for another reason. A reason that would impact my life immensely and a reason that continues to impact my life today...

I forget when exactly I found this out, but some new Chi Alpha missionaries were coming to visit us. They happened to be visiting the day of the snow storm. I am glad they didn't let a few inches of snow get in their way...

Their visit, and announcement of their pending arrival in the fall was such an answer to prayer. All through out the times of prayer and bible study, I really felt like we had something good, and that if we just had some permanent full-time staff that things would really take off. This wasn't really a vision in the classical sense, but a visionary mindset... I could just feel it...

They had a gift for me, since they are generous people. A book entitled Secrets of the Secret Place by Bob Sorge. They didn't know it at the time, but I was not much of a reader at the time. I am only today reading that book, and am about half way through. And I of course recommend it to anyone looking to transform their own personal time with God.

Back to my troubles in school. My solution to the problem, and after much consideration, was to change my major to Medical Technology. I did this realizing that it would require me to be in school for an extra year, but I figured and extra year here would be better than being unhappy and probably failing out of school...

As you can tell, this was the year that started things in the right direction for me. However, the ball really got rolling in my junior year of college...

Reflections on the Best 4-5 Years of My Life

I have decided to start a new series. The title is above... It will be a five part series, with each part talking about one year of my college life. I love to tell stories with vivid details, especially if people like to read them, and as you can tell I love to write. I will try to relive everything I can where appropriate, the good and the bad. I hope you enjoy the ride...

Freshman Year (2005-2006)
You always remember the first time you do something if it's a big life experience. This was the first time I was away from home for an extended period of time. I had some friends around (my roommate was a friend of mine), but I was largely on my own... I felt so alive, so free. I had usually been as independent as one can be living as a minor under his parents roof, but this was a new start for me. They say that you can be anyone you want to be when you come to college.

I can remember vividly the first morning I went to class, so I will describe it for you all. It was a Monday morning. The sun was shining and it was a comfortable August morning in 2005 (Wow that's a long time ago). My roommate and I discovered that we both had class at the same time at around the same place, so being two wide-eyed freshmen, we decided the night before to walk over together. My roommate and I had come from a somewhat large high school, but Purdue seemed very large even for us. Our classes were at 8:30 am. So we made the long walk from Shreve Hall. My class was Calculus I and it was in the Electrical Engineering Building. I remember being amazed at how many people there were just walking around, and then I got to the room where my class was being held. I was in shock at how large the room was. I am not sure how many people that room holds, but it was larger than anything I had ever seen... And of course since the class was calculus, I had no idea what was going on and neither did anyone else.

I was mainly a hermit during my freshman year. We kept the door closed, and rarely made friends or met new people. Most of this was my shy, reserved personality at the time. I was pretty scared of new people and new situations.

One of the few things I did as a freshman outside of my room was intermural sports. My roommate and I played flag football and outdoor soccer. Well actually we ended up just watching our outdoor soccer team. I couldn't play because I sprained my knee playing racquetball the week before spring break. Huge bummer because I love sports.

One thing I did a lot of was play Halo 2. That encompassed most of my free time activities. I played a bunch online, and I think I got decent at it. I would play with my friends sometimes or sometimes I would just go alone online and play. That was probably when I was having the most fun.

When I think about my Freshman year, I always remember not being prepared or ready for what was coming my way. I had cruised through high school and had pretty good grades, and wasn't really challenged academically like I was when I first stepped into school at Purdue. I was not ready for the challenge, and I think it's one of the main reasons it took me 5 years to finish at Purdue. I have a few friends currently who are extremely motivated and work extremely hard at school, and I always say to them that if I worked as hard as they do now, I could graduate with a 4.0 gpa and in 4 years. I try to encourage them as much as possible, because if you get off to a bad start at college like I did, there is no end to the climbing out of the hole. You can never really recover. They know who they are...

This particular year in my life went by very quickly I think. I wish I would have stopped and smelled the roses while along for the ride. Sometimes I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and warn myself of my bad habits and things like that. I am an experimenter at heart. I like to try things out and see what happens instead of sitting on the sidelines and watching everyone else go for it. I like to roll the dice a little bit. I guess a few more friends also would have been nice...

It is really hard to remember back that far. I guess now all I can do is thank God for the awesome ride that was my freshman year.

To Infinity and Beyond...

Amy, a friend of mine has inspired me to write about my summer/future plans: http://amylopectinamy.blogspot.com/2010/05/you-know-how-excited-i-am.html

This one will be about some future plans of mine. At least what I know of them so far. Although most of my faithful readers kinda know what's going on already, I figured I could clarify a little more. At least now I can tell the whole story...

I guess it all started a year ago from last December, so December 2008. I was attending the Chi Alpha World Missions Summit in Cincinnati, OH. (I have a sticker on the back of my computer to prove it... ) This conference was a great time to get away, and more importantly, get closer to God. The funny thing is, looking back, I had no idea what God had started in me back then. Towards the end of the conference, a missionary with national Chi Alpha made the appeal to give a year and pray about a lifetime... What this means is to serve a Chi Alpha group and stuff for a year, to give your time to ministry and see what God might have planned for the rest of your life. I guess you could say they were recruiting people, and I decided I should volunteer. I am not gonna lie, part of me was doing it because everyone else was charging the stage. But there was another part of me that actually wanted to do it. That particular part of me felt that I almost owe my life to Chi Alpha. Hopefully God can work with that (I think He can...). So I signed the card and put it in the basket (and forgot about it).

I am here at Purdue majoring (or trying to) in medical technology. God kinda put a stop to that you could say. I wasn't selected to the program either time I applied. I have a good application, good references, and a decent GPA, but apparently that's not where God wanted me. I had always figured that if that's what God wanted for me, the door would open when I poked it so that I could walk in. I was poking my door really hard, but it wouldn't budge.

So a couple weeks ago I get this e-mail, I don't know where they got my e-mail from. But I have suspicions that it was from the card I signed a few years ago to volunteer for Give a Year, Pray about a Lifetime. It's about this "menternship" program they are starting down at National Chi Alpha. You can read for yourself here, because it's really hard to explain right now: http://www.chialpha.com/leaders/training/menternships/

I read the e-mail and briefly looked at the attached brochure and then forgot about it. I guess God has a way of remind you of things... I had always remembered signing that card, and had thought about it some. I wasn't sure what giving a year back would look like. I was definitely scared out of my mind about thinking about doing it. Let alone committing to it for the year...

I guess I felt like I wasn't good enough to be used, like I was too messed up for God to do anything good with me (which actually makes me a perfect candidate for use by God).

One afternoon at corporate prayer, the staff asks for people to write their names on the board concerning future things. There was a column for people feeling called into the ministry, people considering giving a year back, people that wanted to support financially, and another column that I don't remember. I saw these columns on the board. This was my moment of truth. Up until this point, I had not really told anyone else about signing the Give a Year card. I am pretty sure, unless they told all the campus pastors, that anyone knew I had signed it. So as usual, people rushed the chalkboard to put their name up. I kinda took my time getting up to the chalkboard. The idea is that you put your name on the board showing interest, and get prayed for. If it is a category that they can give you further advice for, they would do so, just as in my case.

So remember how I described how I felt I wasn't good enough to serve for the year, like there wasn't much I could bring to the table? Well a few weeks ago I went on this retreat for this class I was going through at church. Let's just say I highly recommend the Cleansing Stream class. Also to make a long story short (this post is long enough already right?), I had never felt so free after that retreat. I felt like I could do anything. I felt free from everything that was entangling me before. I felt as if I could fly... I think I finally felt "the peace that surpasses all understanding" (Phil 4:7).

I finally had the peace I was searching for. For the weeks leading up to the end of my last semester, people would always ask me what I was doing with the rest of my life. I would respond with "I don't know". They some would also flippantly tell me to Give a Year. Easy for them to say. They weren't looking it squarely in the face.

So I finally met with my campus pastor and we went over the previously mentioned menternship program. I asked my parents what they thought about it, and they approved. That made it official. I really am doing this Give a Year thingy. It felt sooooooo good to finally have an answer for people as to what I will be doing post-graduation.

I guess I could say God has made it really easy to walk through this door. This is really the only thing that has opened up for me. It is really easy to rely on God when He is your only option. I really feel like the walls are closing in on me sometimes. Old Me would have worried a hole in his stomach by now, but thankfully I have God's peace so I don't have any holes in my stomach.

That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.

For some reason, I like writing novels on this thingy...

Words of Wisdom (or Experience) Part 9

This is my last week as a member of the student body of Purdue University, and America. I have been through a lot in my 4... (or make that 5) years of college. Lately I have been doing a lot of reflecting on my life here in West Lafayette and how it could have been different or it could have changed. It is a sobering thought that in 3 week's time I will really really be out on my own in the real world. So basically each day this week, I will try to leave you all with some story or something I have learned that you can use (if you like) in your own life. Maybe I have suffered some so you can suffer less by learning from my mistakes...

You Can't Reach Everyone, So Don't Even Try...
This one is a tough pill to swallow. Especially for a guy like me that identifies with lonely people, or people that are trying to reach out for friends. I just want to help everyone. I don't want to see anyone suffering. It really pains me to see my friends or the people around me struggle with pain from their past or their present situation. Maybe I am just a natural helper or whatever, but I can't help but want to reach out and try to help everyone.

Even Jesus didn't try to reach out to everyone. He wasn't traveling around and meeting with person after person every day of His 3 year ministry career. He didn't pour himself into everyone He met. He was able to meet surface needs of the people He ran into, like healings or casting of demons. But as far as personal relationships, he had a group of twelve, and even closer a group of three.

I have shed a lot of tears because of this. I can't help everyone. I don't even have close to enough capacity to help everyone. I think God has told me just to focus on a particular group and I am a part of, a particular demographic I have something in common with, especially during this year of college. In large part, this strategy has been successful. I encourage you to target specific people groups or even specific people when reaching out on behalf of God. Maybe God has put you into a certain situation just for that purpose.

Investment in a smaller group can have a greater impact than you think. The return on the investment just takes a little bit longer to realize. Focusing on a smaller group allows you to invest even more into each member, to go even deeper. You can also see your results easier. You can see if what you are doing is working, or if anything needs correction.

We are created to live in community with each other, but for our benefit and the benefit of others, the communities should remain smaller. If the groups get too big, don't be afraid to split them into smaller groups, with reunions every once in a while.

Also something else to consider is to keep the group opened to outsiders as much as possible. Avoid being closed off to others, unless there is a logistical reason to do so.

In conclusion groups > individuals and small groups > large groups.

Words of Wisdom (or Experience) Part 8

This is my last week as a member of the student body of Purdue University, and America. I have been through a lot in my 4... (or make that 5) years of college. Lately I have been doing a lot of reflecting on my life here in West Lafayette and how it could have been different or it could have changed. It is a sobering thought that in 3 week's time I will really really be out on my own in the real world. So basically each day this week, I will try to leave you all with some story or something I have learned that you can use (if you like) in your own life. Maybe I have suffered some so you can suffer less by learning from my mistakes...

Sunday (Bringing People With You)

I have decided I am going to keep this series opened and have something new everyday until I run out of stuff, which may or may not take a while. I have encountered a lot of pain and made a lot of mistakes in my lifetime, and there is no reason that anyone else should have the same pain or make the same mistakes if I can prevent that by sharing some bit of wisdom I have gained by experience.

This would probably be one of my more favorite topics. Since it is close to my heart. For most of my life I had felt like I was on the outside looking in. I was always the quiet, shy one. I was very bland and plain and not charismatic. I had a hard time getting people to include me. I felt uninvolved and not included. Of course I have never met anyone that enjoys feeling this way. Luckily, this is something we have power to deal with. All you have to do is ask.

This entry is about including people, but it is also about taking people with you to where ever you're going in Christ. Maybe there is some larger goal that will require help. How will the people that are supposed to help you even know if you don't go and recruit them? Someone else could even have something you need for such a time as this...

Matt 4:19 says "Come follow me" Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men."

Jesus was an includer of people and we should be as well.

I was raised not to invite myself to things. The first thing my Mom would ask me if I asked permission to spend the night at my friend's house, for example, is if they invited me or I invited myself. I guess she saw inviting yourself to things as intrusive, which it kinda is. Most people are courteous enough to wait for you to invite them to something, especially if it's a new person to the group. Most people are polite and won't push themselves onto your plans. This means you should reach out to them.

This is very important if you're in a position of leadership. Sometimes you have to be willing to go with the people you are leading. You must be willing to stop and reach back and take them by the hand and bring them with you.

Maybe you don't know this, but there are people out there waiting to join you. You don't have to look very far to find these people because they are all around you. There are people on the outside looking in at you... They want to be a part of the group, they want to help you. They are dying to be invited in. It is your job to do so...

Words of Wisdom (or Experience) Part 7

This is my last week as a member of the student body of Purdue University, and America. I have been through a lot in my 4... (or make that 5) years of college. Lately I have been doing a lot of reflecting on my life here in West Lafayette and how it could have been different or it could have changed. It is a sobering thought that in 3 week's time I will really really be out on my own in the real world. So basically each day this week, I will try to leave you all with some story or something I have learned that you can use (if you like) in your own life. Maybe I have suffered some so you can suffer less by learning from my mistakes...

Saturday (Blessings...It's a Two Way Street)

I actually was originally going to write about something else, which is also something important I have learned, but maybe I will save that one for part 8 :). This was also supposed to be the last one. Funny how things can change sometimes.

They say that "It is better to give than to receive." I will propose a second version of this. "It is easier to give than to receive."

One revelation I have had about this is that it takes two people for a blessing to transfer in most situation (I learned this in my discipleship program with XA). There are cases of anonymous blessings, but between two people, there generally must be two parties on the same page. There must be a giver, and a receiver.

I am not completely sure why it is so hard for us to receive blessings. Maybe it is because we aren't used to receiving from other people like we receive from God. A large part of it is probably our humility pride. Maybe we think we are not worthy of someone's general kindness and blessing. Or maybe we think we are too good for it? I don't know. I think there is equal blessing for someone who gives the blessing and who receives the blessing.

What if this blessing is something that is coming from God through another person? What if this person just wants to give back to you out of overflow that you have given to them? How destructive would that be to turn down a blessing like that? That could make a person feel pretty awful. Maybe they were so excited at the potential to bless you, to see the reaction on your face, and you have just taken that away by not letting them bless you. Blessings, whether they are material things, or words, or whatever are a special thing not to be taken lightly. There is a lot of thought that goes into blessings.

Maybe, for example, the next time someone offers to buy you dinner or a coffee at Starbucks, let them do it. Both of you will feel good, I promise (plus you will have a free Starbucks or free dinner).

Just always remember that it takes two for blessings to occur (as well as "to tango"). The giver of blessing gets just as much as the receiver.