I Guess I Have Something To Write About…

I finally have some inspiration of something to write about all thanks to Nicole Rheaume. I had to put a shout out in for her.

My life has been very different lately. I just started my job at CVS as a Technician. I am considered a Floating Technician (not because I can levitate, although that would be sweet), so I move between different stores wherever they need help. It is kinda challenging because I have to deal with many different groups of co-workers and patients and different CVS Pharmacies. They are not all created equal. So far I have been to two different CVS locations for training and three others for actual working hours. I am also going to a new one for the rest of this week. I don’t have a problem working with a bunch of new people or anything, but it is out of my comfort zone. However, I also enjoy having a job so I am willing to deal with most anything they would want to throw my way. :)

My basic strategy at this point is to not break anything, and to try not to slow down the system too much. And I try not to beat myself up too much if I make a mistake. Which happens somewhat frequently since I am a newbie. I also try to learn something new about the job everyday if possible.

I like the job so far. Most of the people are nice to you if you are nice to them. I have found that for every customer that treats you terribly, there is one that is very nice to you and very glad for your service.

I am so excited to have this job. I feel like I can finally move forward with my life in many ways. The first of which will be getting a smartphone most likely from Sprint (Samsung Galaxy SII) since they are the cheapest and I can get a sweet discount from work with them to sweeten the pot. Even though there is no 4G coverage in Indy for Sprint, I am willing to trade that for a cheaper phone bill. If you saw my phone now, you would know how bad I need an upgrade. The second of which is upgrading my involvement with UIndy Chi Alpha. I have no idea what all that will entail, but hope to have an idea this week.

Well there is my two cents for the day. Sorry that you now have two pennies…

JOB 11:7-9

Here it is in ESV (cause that’s what I read nowadays…)

7: Can you find out the deep things of God?

        Can you find out the limit of the Almighty?

8: It is higher than Heaven – what can you do?

        Deeper than Sheol – what can you know?

9: Its measure is longer than the earth

    and broader than the sea.

Maybe I have written on this topic a few times but I am just amazed more and more by God. That’s my favorite thing about him. He never ends. I supposed he could end if he wanted to, but he doesn’t. Isaiah 40:28, Psalm 90:2, Isaiah 9:6 among others tell us this. I am fully convinced that we will never know the complete depth of God, even when we get to heaven to be with him. What would be the point of believing in a god that you knew everything about? That would be lame right? My God is not lame at all! If you knew everything about God, wouldn’t that put you on the same lever as He is?

Think about your best friend, or someone that you consider to be a very close friend, like someone you would hug every time you see them without giving it a thought. Do you know everything about that person? I highly doubt it. God created us in his own image (Gen 1:27), and thus created a depth inside each of us modeled after himself. If you look all around, you can find examples of God’s depth and mystery in His creation. We are constantly doing research into the human body and plants and animals to record all that we can and we are never finished. There are probably many species of plants and animals that we don’t even know about. We don’t count to infinity. We just give up and label it as “infinity”.

It’s not even about becoming better and better. It’s about going down the path that God has created for us to walk on continuously. To do that effectively, sometimes we need a little something from Him to help us and I am so grateful that He doesn’t hold back or run out.

I could probably write a lot more about this, but I will leave the limitlessness to God.

Lord (I Don’t Know) - Puzzled

When I was younger, my sister and I would sometimes do puzzles together. She was way more into it than I was, but sometimes I would help her with her puzzles. I am talking the legit 1000 piece puzzles… We would put them together, then glue them together and put them in picture frames. She has like 6 or 7 done in her room currently. I have one in my room haha (and it’s even missing a piece). I have one in my possession that though it looks pretty difficult, I am going to try to assemble.

If I had to guess, I would guess that God enjoys a good puzzle. Especially the kind that blesses a person. Not for the intellectual challenge necessarily, but for the path it leads us on. He gets to orchestrate the whole picture (or puzzle).If any of you out there like to journal all the things that God does in your life, or if you ever take a few minutes to reminisce about your recent life, you will know what I am talking about.

Sometimes I like to do things like try to remember all the events that lead to a particular significant event in my life, or try to remember how I met someone. That game can be particularly fun to play with other people if you have known that person for a long enough time. I guess it could get awkward too. It’s like connect the dots for us “big” kids.

Here’s an example:

So when I was a sophomore, I had a friend of mine Chris from my home church in Indy who was going to be an incoming freshman at Purdue. We had both grown up more or less in the same church and youth group in the Assemblies. I had never heard of this “Chi Alpha” before. At Purdue they have these info cards about religion that you can fill out and they will try to connect you with the people that represent your particular denomination. He filled one out for our denomination and we got an e-mail inviting us to some bowling down at the Memorial Union bowling alley.

At a time when I was very desperate for God and just some friends that would accept me for who I am, this is how I met Levi, Roman, Chi Alpha, and all the people that would end up changing my life forever. A card and an e-mail, that’s it! Without that card and e-mail, my previous entry about “Giving a Year” doesn’t happen. If there is anyone reading this that I have met as a result of my involvement in Chi Alpha, I probably would have never met you without that e-mail and card.

There is this song by one of the three bands I like to refer to as the trinity of 90s Christian bands the Newsboys (the others being Audio Adrenaline and Dc Talk). It’s called Lord (I Don’t Know) and here are the words:

You are the author of knowledge
You can redeem what's been done
You hold the present and all that's to come
Until your everlasting kingdom

Lord, I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

You are the God of tomorrow
Turning the darkness to dawn
Lifting the hopeless with hope to go on
You are the rock of all salvation

Lord, I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

Oh, Lord, you are the author
Redeeming what's been done
You hold us in the present
And all that is to come

Lord, we don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead us to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

I think this song goes along with what I am talking about a little bit. You should YouTube it and listen to it. God uses the little things in life to puzzle us. I just want to trust God more and more each day to do my puzzle with greatness for the rest of my life.

Giving My Year Back… Was It Really Mine?

It has been a while. This might be a long one. Just to let you know…

Over the past year, I have had the wonderful chance to serve at Purdue Chi Alpha (the ministry that has changed my life forever). I had a chance to see college campus ministry from the “other side” of things. I didn’t have too much to give, but I thought I would give it anyway and see what happens.

Well I must say that it was in many ways the toughest year of my life and also the best year of my life. I learned so much about myself. God led me along a tough but rewarding path this past year. I got to rub shoulders with some great ministers, especially the Chi Alpha ones. I guess I could say that pastors are people too. It was really fun to go to District Council and see how the local AG conducts some of its official business. I also went to my first church business meeting at Bethel.

I have a new respect for the Chi Alpha missionary (or really any missionary for that matter). I grew up in church so the term “missionary” was not unfamiliar to me. It takes a lot of effort and even more blessing from God to do the job right. God pretty much has to do everything. The amount of prayer and listening to God required is insane, but it’s the only way to do the job. If you are around one of these great people, you can just feel the passion oozing from their pores. These people just give and give of themselves to everyone they encounter, and if they didn’t meet God everyday, I am totally sure they would completely run themselves into the ground with people, stress, and things to do. You better hear from God or you won’t make it.

I had many reasons for doing this “Give a Year”. The first reason is I felt called to do it, like it was something I was supposed to do. Also I did sign a card that said I would commit to that at the World Missions Summit the last time it was held. I had to hear that call twice before I went forward like I was supposed to. Also, I thought it was the right thing to do for the ministry that really set my life right. I grew up in a Christian home, but I wasn’t really a true Christian until I came across Chi Alpha at Purdue. I kinda felt like I at least owed them something, and most people value time more than anything. My time was the only thing I had to give.

I have experienced a lot over this year (this is pretty condensed):

One thing was how to be better organized. “Getting Things Done” was one of the books that I read this year that changed my life. It’s a lot about how to stay on top of the tasks that you need to do. Go to the store, finish the report, prepare for the meeting, or anything else in life. If you are having struggles keeping organized or are having trouble remembering things, implementing the concepts from this book will put an end to that. I think everyone my age (mid-20s) should read this book.

Another great book was “Discover Your God-Given Gifts”. This book really opened my eyes to all the relationships in my life. It talks about gifts we have according to Romans 12:6-8 that make each of us unique people. (See if you can guess what I scored.) I think after I read this book, I kept analyzing all the people I came into contact with. It helped me realize what I could work on as a person in all my work and personal relationships and that God created people with different personality traits, and I need to live with them no matter how far up the wall they drive me.

I learned a lot about dealing with young children in my time at the daycare I worked at part time. It was such a privilege to work there. All my co-workers were great to me. They showed me things when I didn’t know how to do stuff like change a diaper or make a bottle of formula. I was putting diapers on backwards for my first few days because I was confused, haha. Hey, that could have happened to anyone right? I just remember being scared for my life before my first day working there. I didn’t know anything about kids. I got to work about 15 minutes early my first day and began to intercede fervently because I was so scared. I had no idea what I was getting into. One of my friends that worked there told me that the kids would probably become very attached to me, but she never told me how attached I would be to the kids.

Since I was dealing with kids that were so young, their growth was happing at incredible rates. There was this one little girl, for example, that was only able to flop around on her belly when I first got there, and by the time she left, she was chasing me down for hugs. There was this other time I was in the 2 year old class and we were eating our snack. We had these cheese cubes as part of snack. Without even thinking, I started to stack my cheese cubes into towers and stuff. Then I looked around and all the other kids were stacking their cheese cubes into towers and saying “tower!” I gave up on trying to get them to eat the cheese. All I could do was put my head down on the table (and laugh)… Watching and encouraging the young infants to learn to walk was also an experience, and I was able to watch a few of them figure it out. I was puked on a multitude of times, which as you can imagine was also fun. There was this one baby that I swear was saving her puke for me. She would “tag” me every single week. But she eventually stopped so we could become friends. There was also this time I was ordered to remove my coat by a 2 year old girl upon entering the classroom, complete with hands on hips and mean look and yes I listened to her. I miss those kids more and more every day and it breaks my heart how everything had to happen. It would be really great to see them again someday. I have tons of stories I could tell, so don’t be afraid to ask.

I also had many experiences that a minister might have. I went to any meeting that I could get into because I wanted to see how things worked. I got to stay on the staff floor at SALT (no one told me they get a free breakfast everyday). I helped my friend and fellow missionary Kate with a breakout session about giving a year back to Chi Alpha. I have not had the chance to follow up with anyone in that sessions, but the ones that were there seemed pretty serious about being there. I must say that the concept of “giving a year back” is a genius concept. It is much easier to hand over a year of your life than to hand over your entire life. Who knows? Maybe God would call you to hand over a year or your life, to give up your pursuits and go for the greater good that He has. He might just take care of you like He took care of me. They had great questions and everything. District Council was really fun. I felt very out of place in a building with so many pastors that have been in the ministry for so long. It was really fun to represent Chi Alpha there. Being in the same place as that many people that love Jesus does something to you.

I must say that Chi Alpha has been the only place in my life that I have felt I have belonged to some thing bigger than myself. I think a lot of people go through life struggling with their emotions and feeling left out and such and I think it’s because they don’t have something bigger to life for. God is bigger in thought and deed than we are.

Isaiah 55:8,9 says…

For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.

So plugging into God’s plan automatically gives you something bigger to live for. I think that’s what ultimately happened to me. For the past year, I was living for something much bigger than myself, and God richly rewarded me for it. I wouldn’t trade anything that happened to me this year for anything.

There is probably a lot more I could say, but I think I will stop here for now.

Talking to yourself...

Does anyone out there talk to yourself? I do.

I do it quite frequently. I love talking to myself. I often conduct entire conversations with myself. Others have noticed that I like to talk to myself. Does that make me weird? Yeah probably...

I do way too much thinking, and talking to myself helps me to separate some of my thoughts so I can better process them. Much like writing them down for most people. I would rather just say them.

I personally don't think there is anything wrong with talking to yourself. Especially if no one else will talk to you. Maybe that's why I do it all the time. I used to be the one that no one would talk to. People would either walk right by, or talk to all the other people in the circle. Just because I didn't seem that interesting.

You should try talking to the silent, shy person sometime. You never know what you will find. I can promise you as one who is/was like this, they are dying to talk to you. Also, they probably have tons of cool stuff to say that they have picked up from the conversations with themselves.

Things Never Turn Out How You Want Them To...

Although I am not a student anymore, I do still work for Chi Alpha, so it still makes it easier to think of my life in terms of semesters. Since this is my blog and I can say whatever I want, that's what I'm gonna do.

This semester has not turned out at all like I had planned. For those of you that truly know me, you would know that I probably had little to no plans. I did have some expectations, but things went differently. Maybe I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Maybe I had no idea what God had in store for me.

This was easily the hardest semester for me in many ways. I am trying to manage my own life now. I am trying to figure out who I am. I am trying to find my passions and dreams for my life. I am trying to grow to be a better man. I have found that in most cases, growing is not very comfortable.

Let's start with some of the good things that have happened this semester:
-I have learned to trust God a whole lot more (not enough room to fully explain here...)
-The daycare job has been the best job I have ever had
-great coworkers
-great babies/tots
-pushes all the right buttons inside of me
-for some reason (which I can't explain) the babies/tots seem to love me...
-My prayer life is increasing slowly
-corporately
-spiritually
-I have enough money (God has made sure of that)
-I am much better at Halo: Reach than Halo 3
-met more new, great people
-had my first ever babysitting job (which was scary, but turned out okay)

Here are the not so good things that have happened:
-I have had less time to spend with the people that truly matter to me
-less free time (which I expected to happen)
-lots and lots of stress
-Still searching for what to do for a career
-Sick Grandma

Although it has seemed like the hardest semester for me to date, I think I have done the most growing this semester as well, especially spiritually. I feel closer to God than ever before. I think that if most of us would actually stop and think, we would have no choice but to conclude that we are truly blessed by God. He totally looks out for us and only has the best in mind for us. It's all a part of growing up.

I am definitely a different person after this semester, certainly for the better! (At least as far as I can tell...)

The Search for Mrs. Hull

I know what you're thinking, and this is not some announcement or update or anything like that. Believe me, when I find her, everyone will know about it. I will never be able to contain that kind of information, haha. Following after God can be and often is very costly. Scripture in fact says that you should take up your cross daily and follow Jesus. Following in this area has easily been the most difficult of my life, and I would argue that it is one of, if not the most difficult areas to surrender to God in anyone's life. I think this is because it flies in the face of everything we have seen in our world growing up, or even been taught in school or at home. We are supposed to grow up and when we are a certain age, we are supposed to have our own family. I think there are somethings that are easy to give up, like listening to bad music or seeing bad movies, but giving up dating and relationships is giving something up that affects the rest of your life. Giving up the thoughts, dreams, ambitions of that nature can be very difficult, especially outside of the grace of God.

Not having dated a whole lot previously does make it a little easier to give this up. I don't have to change my lifestyle a lot in order to surrender in this area of my life. I think I have maybe been on 2 or 3 legitimate dates, which I will not even begin to get into (I know you all are soooooo shocked to hear that, hahahaha). I consider myself lucky that I haven't been hurt in a relationship like that before, and I don't ever intend to get hurt.

It is kinda difficult to live your life with the thought that you could have met your perfect match, know that the time is not right at this moment. My perfect match, the one God has picked out for me, could be sitting right next to me while I am writing this blog for all I know. Do you ever wonder that? Do you ever wonder if you have already met your perfect match and just haven't connected the dots? I just have no way of knowing. Maybe if you have some way of knowing, you could tell me? It is so enormously difficult to wait on God, but with His Grace, I can do it.

I also realize that I am no where near ready for her, even if she comes along into my life, or if she already has. I have a little ways to go...

I just hope she can wait for me too...

One Month Update...

Hello everyone!

I guess I haven't been writing on this blog too often lately. I have been busy with work at the daycare, and work with Chi Alpha Purdue. This first month has definitely been a life changing month for me. I now absolutely love and adore kids, especially the younger ones after working at the daycare. I can now change a diaper correctly and fairly quickly. I have gained limited experience on the administrative side of running a large scale ministry like the one here at Purdue Chi Alpha. I still have this feeling that things are just getting started here, even after four years of being on campus, or in my case a month of being on campus. I feel as if we are on the verge of explosion, that God is preparing to do something bigger than we have previously experienced here.

Even after a month of being here, I am still trying to find my place among the staff, my role, how I can fit in among the other staff members. It is always tough coming in from the outside and trying to make yourself part of a group, but I know God has a place and a plan for me here, so I try not to worry about that so much.

This has so far been a month of firsts. The first time I've lived on my own, the first time I've gone grocery shopping for myself, the first time I've held a baby, the first time I've changed a diaper, the first time I've lead a bible study, the first time I've trusted God so much.

It has been a wild and crazy ride, and it can only get better from here...

Little Children

As many of you may or may not already know, I now work at a daycare during the day. After working there for a few days, I have gained a new prospective in life. And a new prospective on what Jesus was talking about in Matthew 18: 5, 6 which says:

5: "And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. 6: But of anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.

Before last week, I had never really played with kids, much less be responsible for their well-being for most of the day. Needless to say, I was extremely scared before going in for the first time on Friday. I had to do a lot of praying beforehand. I feel that God blessed my prayers and answered them. I am trying to have a great attitude about this job, and I believe it's working. My job at the daycare doesn't even feel like actual work yet...

It amazes me how trusting children are. Today, I would hold out my arms wide open and smile, and most of, if not all would run to me without doubt or question. I think this type of trust and belief that children have is was Jesus was talking about. You should never take advantage of children or even believers who are young in the faith. At such young ages, children don't have the ability to think for themselves and make their own decisions yet. I now have more revelation about this passage in the book of Matthew. Yay!

You Know, It's Really Funny...

You know it's really funny what happens when you get desperate before God and cry out to him. You will usually get exactly what you need, or rather what he has planned for you. This Friday and Saturday were especially tough for me. I was eaten up completely by the stress of trying to raise support to be on campus for Chi Alpha Purdue and finding a job. It was so bad I had to lay down the other day for a little while. Then you know, if you go out in public, you have to put on a smiley face for everyone so they don't know what's going on. I was pretty much in tears. Maybe I find it hard to motivate myself. I am just not the most self-motivated person ever. I work better in a bigger setting where I have a specific job I can do like cashiering at Walmart for example. Over the summer there were many times when I doubted what I was getting myself into. By then it was way to late to run away of course. Of course if I were to run away, the enemy would just shoot me in the back so what's the point anyway? I really am trying my best, and God is meeting me at .000000000000000000001% of the way there. Thanks for making up the difference God!

I hate moving.

I hate moving. There is too much stress, wondering if you remembered everything, and general craziness. However, it's the only way to initiate change sometimes. You would think after moving so much as a child and in my years in college, that I would be a professional by now, but it's not the case. I am completely exhausted today (Thursday) with pretty much no end in sight. I am not too sure that my BFF caffeine can even help me now. Hopefully seeing all my close friends again will give me the energy to keep it going until Sunday or Monday when I might have a chance to rest. It's a good thing that I have been getting into coffee over the summer more and more. I guess sleeping instead of writing this would help too... God help me!

Summer Update 2

I realize I haven't been doing summer updates on my life as a Chi Alpha staffer so I will go ahead and do that. A few month back I reported that I was sending out support letters and stuff. I have been following up on those and God has been blessing the conversations I have been able to have. I still have a little more time to do some last minute fund raising. It looks as of now that I will need to work a part time job to make things work according to how they want it to work, which I am fine with of course. I am well over half way there as far as fund raising is concerned. It all depends on the people I have left to meet with. Hopefully if I can raise a few more hundred dollars in monthly commitments, then I won't have to work too much on the side.

It has been a depressing summer for me for the most part with the stresses of fund raising and just the other things that have happened to me, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel finally. I started all of this stuff with very little training and absolutely no idea what I was doing. Lately most of the people I have contacted just want to give to me and don't even feel like they need to hear my presentation (which I am totally fine with haha...). I think if I keep plugging along for the next week and I find that part-time job, that life will be good.

I can't wait to get to campus and have a chance to impact lives. I have a ton of ideas I would like to try. I am willing to try most anything, and I know that this year will be one of the most challenging of my life. I know that my leaders are fully prepared to stretch me as far as they can, and maybe they can finally realized the potential they see in me that I may not even see myself.

Thank you to all of those who have given or prayed or will be a part of my life for the next year. See you in a week. Yay!

Stop and Smell the Roses...

Stop and smell the roses... I am sure everyone of you out there reading this has heard that expression before. It can have a variety of meanings. I think our society is far too bent on working so hard that life passes many of us by. We need to stop and smell the roses. Stop and take a minute to look at the world around you. What cool things are happening right under your nose that you don't know about? You may never know unless you stop and take a whiff... I feel like my life has been like that somewhat. I am one that is not absolutely bent on scheduling every little minute of every day, but sometimes I feel like life is passing me by and that I need more adventure in my life. Today I went to the Indiana State Fair for the first time ever. I have lived in Indiana for nearly 11 years and I had not yet been down there. It was an epic experience. I got to see tons of sweet animals and even had an elephant ear. It was amazing. Probably one of the most fun days of the summer that I've had. This summer had been the toughest summers to date with my dog dying and my Dad losing his job but then getting another one (Praise God!). It had just seemed like one thing after another was just piling on. But today I stopped and smelled the roses. I think that next summer I want to take a few weeks and just drive all around the country, mostly to the west of the Mississippi River since I haven't really visited out there much. I just want to do something totally random and crazy like that! I have determined that it will take me 3-4 days to drive out to the beaches in California. Sometimes I feel like I don't have enough adventure in my life. So maybe stopping and smelling the roses means adding a little spice to your life, a little more adventure. It will look different for everyone, but I think it would do us all a lot of good to do it more often. As long as you're not allergic to the pollen...

Nicknames

I have always wanted a nickname. Something fun or abbreviated that people call me. Like "Andy" for "Andrew" or "Mike" for "Michael" or "Becca" for "Rebecca" (or "Bekah" for "Rebekah" alternatively). Or something fun like "The Situation" if any of you have ever seen Jersey Shore... Since I don't really have friends I have known longer than say 5-10 years, it's not like I have lifelong friends that know me inside and out.

Obviously there are some rules regarding nicknames like you can't give yourself a nickname or stuff like that. I am all about following the rules and stuff.

I think one acceptable one for me is "Paulie". Its an augmented version of my name. Since I have such a short name, in order to have a different form, I have to add on to it. I have 3 or 4 people that currently use that to get my attention regularly, so I think it counts...

I guess I will start introducing myself as "Paulie" instead of "Paul" and see what happens...
(and if you read this, you should know what to call me from now on.)

Finding Yourself...

People talk all the time about "finding yourself" or whatever that means... (I don't exactly know.) If I was to guess, I would imagine it to mean finding that one thing God has naturally made you to do for which you have so much talent that it comes naturally or perhaps doing it just "feels right". I have always wondered what that felt like. It is so hard not to look around and compare myself to my peers. I had a friend once call me "Mr. Average" and that has stuck with me in the back of my head for years and years. I watch all the people around me and I feel like I am being left behind. I try to keep telling myself that one day it will be my turn, but I am tired of waiting for that day. Perhaps I am not ready for that day, I don't know. I once even had this prophesied over me (which went something to the effect of: you are watching all the people around you go forth and you want to go, but God is doing a work inside you so you can't go yet), so God clearly knows how I feel and has reached out to try to calm my nerves (on more than one occasion).

I realize that for the most part, no matter how talented or gifted you are, there will almost always be someone that will easily outshine you. At least when I measure myself against my peers, I have a slim chance of comparing favorably. Then I look to heaven and realize I have zero chance of measuring up. Which is depressing and encouraging at the same time. What would be the point in believing in a God that we can measure up to? We wouldn't need Him if we could do what He does...We could all be our own gods if we could do what He does...

I wish I could find my special place in life where I fit perfectly like two puzzle pieces that belong together or that thing I have a passion for. I feel like sometimes I am walking aimlessly through life without a clue as to what I am doing. I desperately don't want to get left behind. Pray that I find my calling. Pray that I find my passion. I am praying all the time. As you can tell, I need all the help I can get...

Goodbye Rusty...

Here is a song for while you are reading this...

Ignore the pictures in the video if you like (they are not mine), I am sure they are lovely though. Some random person made the slideshow. I just needed the song...

---

This post is an extremely sad and tough one for me to write. But it's one of the few healthy ways I have of obtaining closure to this situation.

First, the reason I am writing this: My dog Rusty. Here are some memories I have of him.

I loved him. He passed away on Wednesday July 7th. I think he was sick or something and that in combination with the heat and extreme difficulty breathing eventually lead to his death. This will sound weird, but it's the first time I have actually experienced death in any part of my family, and I don't care what people say, Rusty was a part of my family. He ended up deteriorating over the course of a week or so as far as I can tell. My Dad says he hasn't been the same since the last time he ran away which was a few months ago. I still don't know why or how he died, but he is gone forever... I didn't really cry until he was on the table at the vet and we had to say goodbye to him for the very last time. He was about 8 years old or so, which is about middle-aged for Rottweilers/German Shepherds.

Here are a few pictures of him. First some from when he was younger. We got him from the Hamilton County Humane Society when he was 11 weeks old. He wasn't even housebroken yet, which made for a kinda funny first few weeks if you catch my drift...

You can see from the pictures why he was so hard to say no to at the shelter... We did get to meet his mother at the shelter, which was the Rottweiler. I remember being so excited when we got him. He was our first legit pet. He was 11 weeks and 11 pounds or so when we first got him. At that time we could pick him up quite easily. That only lasted about a few more weeks, though.

He was so young that he wasn't house broken yet. There was this one time I left my Sega controllers on the ground, and he pooped on them. I was only mildly upset at the time (you try getting upset at something that cute...). It was a pretty small mess, and therefore easy to clean up. It didn't ruin anything.

He did cheat death this one time. He got loose from us and was running around the neighborhood. He wandered out onto the road. I was following behind him, keeping an eye on him since he wouldn't come back to us quickly. There was a car coming down the street and he darted out onto the pavement. The car saw him and slowed down, but it was too late and Rusty got hit by the car. He was pretty big at this point and the car slowed down enough that Rusty was only left with a scar and a bump. He didn't even break a bone or anything like that, cause he was a beast.

Here are some ones from when he was a little older...

In case you can't tell by now, he was a German Shepherd and Rottweiler mix. He ended up around 115 pounds or so when he was finished growing and was tall/long enough to put his paws on my shoulders. I am about 5 ft 11 inches tall. In conclusion, he was HUGE!!! He was probably big enough for small children to use as a horse or something... I used to joke with other people that had dogs that I judge them by whether or not they could fit into my dog's food dish. At peak size, he was able to eat off our dining table just by standing right next to it, so we had to be careful for that. I used to love wrestling with him. And I could do this because he was very large. I also loved the fact that I could bear hug him. As someone that reserves hugs for the special people or situations in my life, this says something.

Aside from not being well trained for walking, he was very well behaved. I was able to teach him how to greet people. He would offer his paw for a shake if you held your hand out for him. If you had a piece of food or a treat in your hand, and he knew that you had it, he would first sit down and then he would lay down automatically. We had toys for him, so he wouldn't really chew through our stuff. He was very loyal. When I would fight with my sister and we would hit each other, he would growl at us because of his protective nature. While under normal circumstances he would barely hurt a fly, if something were to happen to us I had full confidence that he would defend us to the end. I used to get a good laugh when he would be terrified of dogs 1/10 of his size because they were barking at him. I thought it was hilarious when he would chase the leaves blowing in the wind. He was so strong that conventional leashes were not good enough. We had to use steel cable or chain when we walked him.

Eventually he got pretty huge, so we built him a house outside for him to live in if we were gone from the house. My Dad and I built it ourselves, which was a good time. They were pretty good accommodations as far as I was concerned.

Having a dog really impacted my life. I had a rough time making close friendships throughout high school and the beginning of college. No matter how my day went, I could depend on Rusty to be excited to see me and try to use his tackle and lick attack on me. He was always available for comfort. He was the closest thing to unconditional love I will probably experience on this earth... That is the great thing about dogs. You could be completely mad at them and it won't affect how they feel about you. There is a reason why dogs are often referred to as man's best friend. I now know that personally.

Obviously there is no way I can make you understand what Rusty meant to me. There are just a handful of memories I have had. He brought untold amounts of joy to the Hull household during his years here.

The song is "New" by Bethany Dillon.

"You take an ordinary day

and turn it into flowers like the month of May

Yes you do

You see all my pain and cry over it for hours 'til I'm new again

Yes you do"

There will be other dogs, but there will never be another Rusty.

One Step at a Time...

You know, there's that proverb that goes something like...

"You can't walk a mile unless you take the first step."

... or something like that. (Don't quote me on that, haha)

But you get the idea...

I am by no means wise enough to suggest new proverbs (I will leave that to the professionals), but I propose this addition: You must also peek at where you are walking to (or at least have someone watching for you). It is important to walk with a purpose, or you will get lost. Lost in a store, lost in life, etc... The whole picture is important.

Examples:

The walls around Jericho didn't collapse on the first day. The Israelites had to start on the first day and journey to the seventh day. And even on the seventh day they had to still march seven times around the city... (Joshua 6) They had the big picture of the city of Jericho falling, and had to begin on the first day marching... They also had God watching or determining the future for them...

Or it's like when a guy first meets a girl. You don't jump straight to putting your arm around her or holding her hand. You start with trying super hard to remember her name and maybe a few details from your first, probably surface level conversation. Perhaps a little later you might secure that "first date". You also then will seek out the opinion of your friends about this new "person of interest". (Not that I am some kind of professional at boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, never having been in one yet...)

I am only merely trying to suggest that it is important to think about where you have been, where you want to go, and where you are actually going. I also think it's important to think about how you will get to where you are going. As for me, I have God watching my path, so I only have to see a step or two forward at a time. Any more than that and I just might explode. (which would be the end of this blog by the way.)

The first step is just as important as the last step, and you can't get to the last step without the first step.

Just something to think about.

Lord, Here I Go...

Lord, I don't know where you have called me,

But here I go.

Lord, I don't know what I am doing,

But here I go.

I have never trusted you like this before.

I can't imagine what it will be like.

I believe in you.

You will never leave me, you will never forsake me,

so here I go.

You have plans for me, you have blessings for me,

so here I go.

I know you are with me, so here I go...

Reflections on the Past 4-5 Years of My Life

Senior Year Part 2 (2009-2010)

Wow how time flies when you're busy obtaining your world class education at a world class institution such as Purdue University. I had finally arrived to what would be my last year at Purdue, although it seemed like it only took minutes to get there. The previous year I had lived alone, but this year I would have a legit roommate (and he is pretty legit...). I stayed in Cary since it was pretty cheap compared to some other residence halls. I had my friend Andy living in my room and my friend Dan living in my room as well (he was in the room so much that we should have charged him rent).

Since my college career was winding down and I was just finishing up some odds and ends, I didn't have that many classes left to take at this point. First semester I had 15 hours and second semester I had 12 hours, and they were not the most difficult I have ever had. Needless to say, I had a ton of extra time on my hands to do whatever I felt like. I would like to say I used that time for something productive, but I probably didn't. A lot of the time was spend watching my roommate doing his engineering homework.

This year was a little different for me. It was my last chance to make an impact on the campus. It was my last chance to leave my mark. And so that's what I tried to do there. I had an opportunity to meet a lot of new people in Chi Alpha and as it so happened, many of them lived in the dorms. I thought it would be nice, especially for the freshman that I had met who were new to this gigantic campus, if there was some way we could build some community. My solution was food, which solves most problems in life. I really enjoyed all the times I had with my friends at those huge lunch or dinner tables we had. I would look forward to the two or three times a week that I could eat with my friends. It was epic great times! We also had tons of adventures like the time we just walked all over the campus taking random pictures. We walked around the agriculture mall and the vet building on the campus (which has an animal grand prix portrayed in statue form). I built many memories that I will take with me for the rest of my life (or facebook can remind me if necessary) and I hope that they have something from this year that they can take with them as well.

Our Chi Alpha group was really taking off. God was pouring in the numbers for us. We had really had some growth, almost to the point of being too big for our current operations. It has been really great to watch what God is doing in this group of outstanding college students. Moving our main meeting to Fridays turned out to be an excellent decision, although I doubted it at first.

Last year I had a chance to do interviews for my clinical year of Medical Technology. It was round two for me. The two people I interviewed with last year happened to remember me. It took me a while, but I decided that was a good thing. I interviewed with three hospitals this time instead of two. I felt slightly more confident about it this year than last year. It was a very nerve-racking time for me, but I got through it with God's help. I didn't end up making it in again, but that turns out to be a good thing as I will explain later...

This year for spring break I decided to do something I had never done before. Go travelling on my own somewhere else. I visited my good friend Cory down in Vincennes, Indiana. I had such a good time playing his Xbox a lot and meeting more of his friends who were very nice and welcoming to me. It was really refreshing to me to visit him. I had a great time, and I hope to do more stuff like that in the future.

Now onto the two things that all seniors must face: Graduation! And what to do after graduation. My plan for after graduation for the last couple of years was to do the clinicals that I previously mentioned and then become a Medical Technologist. Those plans were trashed when I was rejected from going to the clinical classes. I hadn't really thought about what I would do as a backup plan before. I hadn't even really looked for a job for after graduation like most people would do. I didn't have a clue what I wanted to do.

Well a couple of weeks before graduation, I decided to do the "Give a Year, Pray About a Lifetime" with Chi Alpha. That solves my planning issues for the next year at least...

I had a lot of things running through my head at the end of the school year. I was very excited to be done with school finally. I was feeling very accomplished, like I had finally reached the top of the mountain I had been trying so hard to climb the last five years. It was a surreal feeling to walk across that stage with all the lights shining on me. After all the hard work, after all the sleepless nights, after all the homework, projects, and other random assignments the professors liked to throw upon me, I won.

I had the paper to prove it too...

The last thing I guess I should mention is the graduation party I had. I was very worried that not many people would be able to make it because it was far away from Lafayette. However, I was pleasantly surprised to see that many of my friends were able to make it down. Some even made it that I wasn't expecting. I wanted everyone from my college life to have an opportunity to meet the people that make me who I am, my parents and sister. It was a great way to cap off my 5 year expedition.

At the end of the day, I am proud of everything that happened in those five years. I would never ever take any of it back.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Summer Update...

Here's a summer update so far...
I have sent out the first wave of my support letters for next year. I need to trust God to provide for me now (as always). I will be calling people soon and possibly meeting with them, but not before I do a ton of praying. I do not yet have a part time job for the summer, which is kind of a problem, but I will keep looking. In the meantime, I have been doing a bunch of reading. I am almost finished with UnChristian, I have just started Experiencing Father's Embrace and I did finally finish Power Through Prayer (although that one may require a second read through for full effect). I also have enough books on my shelf to keep me busy for the entire summer. This past weekend I visited West Lafayette and God provided for me! I think I may have my living situation for the next year figured out (and for a cheap price too, which is an answer to prayer). I also may have a part time job possibly lined up for next year, but we will see about that one haha. Kids are really not my thing yet, but I am willing to try... Now I am back at home and have to resume the grind of the summer. It is so tough to be away from "my people" but it is something I must do to get my ducks in a row. This Thursday I will be doing a film shoot for a Great Lakes Chi Alpha Promotional video which should be fun... That's all for now. Be back soon...