Finding Yourself...

People talk all the time about "finding yourself" or whatever that means... (I don't exactly know.) If I was to guess, I would imagine it to mean finding that one thing God has naturally made you to do for which you have so much talent that it comes naturally or perhaps doing it just "feels right". I have always wondered what that felt like. It is so hard not to look around and compare myself to my peers. I had a friend once call me "Mr. Average" and that has stuck with me in the back of my head for years and years. I watch all the people around me and I feel like I am being left behind. I try to keep telling myself that one day it will be my turn, but I am tired of waiting for that day. Perhaps I am not ready for that day, I don't know. I once even had this prophesied over me (which went something to the effect of: you are watching all the people around you go forth and you want to go, but God is doing a work inside you so you can't go yet), so God clearly knows how I feel and has reached out to try to calm my nerves (on more than one occasion).

I realize that for the most part, no matter how talented or gifted you are, there will almost always be someone that will easily outshine you. At least when I measure myself against my peers, I have a slim chance of comparing favorably. Then I look to heaven and realize I have zero chance of measuring up. Which is depressing and encouraging at the same time. What would be the point in believing in a God that we can measure up to? We wouldn't need Him if we could do what He does...We could all be our own gods if we could do what He does...

I wish I could find my special place in life where I fit perfectly like two puzzle pieces that belong together or that thing I have a passion for. I feel like sometimes I am walking aimlessly through life without a clue as to what I am doing. I desperately don't want to get left behind. Pray that I find my calling. Pray that I find my passion. I am praying all the time. As you can tell, I need all the help I can get...