Talking to yourself...

Does anyone out there talk to yourself? I do.

I do it quite frequently. I love talking to myself. I often conduct entire conversations with myself. Others have noticed that I like to talk to myself. Does that make me weird? Yeah probably...

I do way too much thinking, and talking to myself helps me to separate some of my thoughts so I can better process them. Much like writing them down for most people. I would rather just say them.

I personally don't think there is anything wrong with talking to yourself. Especially if no one else will talk to you. Maybe that's why I do it all the time. I used to be the one that no one would talk to. People would either walk right by, or talk to all the other people in the circle. Just because I didn't seem that interesting.

You should try talking to the silent, shy person sometime. You never know what you will find. I can promise you as one who is/was like this, they are dying to talk to you. Also, they probably have tons of cool stuff to say that they have picked up from the conversations with themselves.

Things Never Turn Out How You Want Them To...

Although I am not a student anymore, I do still work for Chi Alpha, so it still makes it easier to think of my life in terms of semesters. Since this is my blog and I can say whatever I want, that's what I'm gonna do.

This semester has not turned out at all like I had planned. For those of you that truly know me, you would know that I probably had little to no plans. I did have some expectations, but things went differently. Maybe I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Maybe I had no idea what God had in store for me.

This was easily the hardest semester for me in many ways. I am trying to manage my own life now. I am trying to figure out who I am. I am trying to find my passions and dreams for my life. I am trying to grow to be a better man. I have found that in most cases, growing is not very comfortable.

Let's start with some of the good things that have happened this semester:
-I have learned to trust God a whole lot more (not enough room to fully explain here...)
-The daycare job has been the best job I have ever had
-great coworkers
-great babies/tots
-pushes all the right buttons inside of me
-for some reason (which I can't explain) the babies/tots seem to love me...
-My prayer life is increasing slowly
-corporately
-spiritually
-I have enough money (God has made sure of that)
-I am much better at Halo: Reach than Halo 3
-met more new, great people
-had my first ever babysitting job (which was scary, but turned out okay)

Here are the not so good things that have happened:
-I have had less time to spend with the people that truly matter to me
-less free time (which I expected to happen)
-lots and lots of stress
-Still searching for what to do for a career
-Sick Grandma

Although it has seemed like the hardest semester for me to date, I think I have done the most growing this semester as well, especially spiritually. I feel closer to God than ever before. I think that if most of us would actually stop and think, we would have no choice but to conclude that we are truly blessed by God. He totally looks out for us and only has the best in mind for us. It's all a part of growing up.

I am definitely a different person after this semester, certainly for the better! (At least as far as I can tell...)

The Search for Mrs. Hull

I know what you're thinking, and this is not some announcement or update or anything like that. Believe me, when I find her, everyone will know about it. I will never be able to contain that kind of information, haha. Following after God can be and often is very costly. Scripture in fact says that you should take up your cross daily and follow Jesus. Following in this area has easily been the most difficult of my life, and I would argue that it is one of, if not the most difficult areas to surrender to God in anyone's life. I think this is because it flies in the face of everything we have seen in our world growing up, or even been taught in school or at home. We are supposed to grow up and when we are a certain age, we are supposed to have our own family. I think there are somethings that are easy to give up, like listening to bad music or seeing bad movies, but giving up dating and relationships is giving something up that affects the rest of your life. Giving up the thoughts, dreams, ambitions of that nature can be very difficult, especially outside of the grace of God.

Not having dated a whole lot previously does make it a little easier to give this up. I don't have to change my lifestyle a lot in order to surrender in this area of my life. I think I have maybe been on 2 or 3 legitimate dates, which I will not even begin to get into (I know you all are soooooo shocked to hear that, hahahaha). I consider myself lucky that I haven't been hurt in a relationship like that before, and I don't ever intend to get hurt.

It is kinda difficult to live your life with the thought that you could have met your perfect match, know that the time is not right at this moment. My perfect match, the one God has picked out for me, could be sitting right next to me while I am writing this blog for all I know. Do you ever wonder that? Do you ever wonder if you have already met your perfect match and just haven't connected the dots? I just have no way of knowing. Maybe if you have some way of knowing, you could tell me? It is so enormously difficult to wait on God, but with His Grace, I can do it.

I also realize that I am no where near ready for her, even if she comes along into my life, or if she already has. I have a little ways to go...

I just hope she can wait for me too...

One Month Update...

Hello everyone!

I guess I haven't been writing on this blog too often lately. I have been busy with work at the daycare, and work with Chi Alpha Purdue. This first month has definitely been a life changing month for me. I now absolutely love and adore kids, especially the younger ones after working at the daycare. I can now change a diaper correctly and fairly quickly. I have gained limited experience on the administrative side of running a large scale ministry like the one here at Purdue Chi Alpha. I still have this feeling that things are just getting started here, even after four years of being on campus, or in my case a month of being on campus. I feel as if we are on the verge of explosion, that God is preparing to do something bigger than we have previously experienced here.

Even after a month of being here, I am still trying to find my place among the staff, my role, how I can fit in among the other staff members. It is always tough coming in from the outside and trying to make yourself part of a group, but I know God has a place and a plan for me here, so I try not to worry about that so much.

This has so far been a month of firsts. The first time I've lived on my own, the first time I've gone grocery shopping for myself, the first time I've held a baby, the first time I've changed a diaper, the first time I've lead a bible study, the first time I've trusted God so much.

It has been a wild and crazy ride, and it can only get better from here...

Little Children

As many of you may or may not already know, I now work at a daycare during the day. After working there for a few days, I have gained a new prospective in life. And a new prospective on what Jesus was talking about in Matthew 18: 5, 6 which says:

5: "And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. 6: But of anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.

Before last week, I had never really played with kids, much less be responsible for their well-being for most of the day. Needless to say, I was extremely scared before going in for the first time on Friday. I had to do a lot of praying beforehand. I feel that God blessed my prayers and answered them. I am trying to have a great attitude about this job, and I believe it's working. My job at the daycare doesn't even feel like actual work yet...

It amazes me how trusting children are. Today, I would hold out my arms wide open and smile, and most of, if not all would run to me without doubt or question. I think this type of trust and belief that children have is was Jesus was talking about. You should never take advantage of children or even believers who are young in the faith. At such young ages, children don't have the ability to think for themselves and make their own decisions yet. I now have more revelation about this passage in the book of Matthew. Yay!

You Know, It's Really Funny...

You know it's really funny what happens when you get desperate before God and cry out to him. You will usually get exactly what you need, or rather what he has planned for you. This Friday and Saturday were especially tough for me. I was eaten up completely by the stress of trying to raise support to be on campus for Chi Alpha Purdue and finding a job. It was so bad I had to lay down the other day for a little while. Then you know, if you go out in public, you have to put on a smiley face for everyone so they don't know what's going on. I was pretty much in tears. Maybe I find it hard to motivate myself. I am just not the most self-motivated person ever. I work better in a bigger setting where I have a specific job I can do like cashiering at Walmart for example. Over the summer there were many times when I doubted what I was getting myself into. By then it was way to late to run away of course. Of course if I were to run away, the enemy would just shoot me in the back so what's the point anyway? I really am trying my best, and God is meeting me at .000000000000000000001% of the way there. Thanks for making up the difference God!

I hate moving.

I hate moving. There is too much stress, wondering if you remembered everything, and general craziness. However, it's the only way to initiate change sometimes. You would think after moving so much as a child and in my years in college, that I would be a professional by now, but it's not the case. I am completely exhausted today (Thursday) with pretty much no end in sight. I am not too sure that my BFF caffeine can even help me now. Hopefully seeing all my close friends again will give me the energy to keep it going until Sunday or Monday when I might have a chance to rest. It's a good thing that I have been getting into coffee over the summer more and more. I guess sleeping instead of writing this would help too... God help me!