Lord (I Don’t Know) - Puzzled

When I was younger, my sister and I would sometimes do puzzles together. She was way more into it than I was, but sometimes I would help her with her puzzles. I am talking the legit 1000 piece puzzles… We would put them together, then glue them together and put them in picture frames. She has like 6 or 7 done in her room currently. I have one in my room haha (and it’s even missing a piece). I have one in my possession that though it looks pretty difficult, I am going to try to assemble.

If I had to guess, I would guess that God enjoys a good puzzle. Especially the kind that blesses a person. Not for the intellectual challenge necessarily, but for the path it leads us on. He gets to orchestrate the whole picture (or puzzle).If any of you out there like to journal all the things that God does in your life, or if you ever take a few minutes to reminisce about your recent life, you will know what I am talking about.

Sometimes I like to do things like try to remember all the events that lead to a particular significant event in my life, or try to remember how I met someone. That game can be particularly fun to play with other people if you have known that person for a long enough time. I guess it could get awkward too. It’s like connect the dots for us “big” kids.

Here’s an example:

So when I was a sophomore, I had a friend of mine Chris from my home church in Indy who was going to be an incoming freshman at Purdue. We had both grown up more or less in the same church and youth group in the Assemblies. I had never heard of this “Chi Alpha” before. At Purdue they have these info cards about religion that you can fill out and they will try to connect you with the people that represent your particular denomination. He filled one out for our denomination and we got an e-mail inviting us to some bowling down at the Memorial Union bowling alley.

At a time when I was very desperate for God and just some friends that would accept me for who I am, this is how I met Levi, Roman, Chi Alpha, and all the people that would end up changing my life forever. A card and an e-mail, that’s it! Without that card and e-mail, my previous entry about “Giving a Year” doesn’t happen. If there is anyone reading this that I have met as a result of my involvement in Chi Alpha, I probably would have never met you without that e-mail and card.

There is this song by one of the three bands I like to refer to as the trinity of 90s Christian bands the Newsboys (the others being Audio Adrenaline and Dc Talk). It’s called Lord (I Don’t Know) and here are the words:

You are the author of knowledge
You can redeem what's been done
You hold the present and all that's to come
Until your everlasting kingdom

Lord, I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

You are the God of tomorrow
Turning the darkness to dawn
Lifting the hopeless with hope to go on
You are the rock of all salvation

Lord, I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

Oh, Lord, you are the author
Redeeming what's been done
You hold us in the present
And all that is to come

Lord, we don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead us to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

I think this song goes along with what I am talking about a little bit. You should YouTube it and listen to it. God uses the little things in life to puzzle us. I just want to trust God more and more each day to do my puzzle with greatness for the rest of my life.

Giving My Year Back… Was It Really Mine?

It has been a while. This might be a long one. Just to let you know…

Over the past year, I have had the wonderful chance to serve at Purdue Chi Alpha (the ministry that has changed my life forever). I had a chance to see college campus ministry from the “other side” of things. I didn’t have too much to give, but I thought I would give it anyway and see what happens.

Well I must say that it was in many ways the toughest year of my life and also the best year of my life. I learned so much about myself. God led me along a tough but rewarding path this past year. I got to rub shoulders with some great ministers, especially the Chi Alpha ones. I guess I could say that pastors are people too. It was really fun to go to District Council and see how the local AG conducts some of its official business. I also went to my first church business meeting at Bethel.

I have a new respect for the Chi Alpha missionary (or really any missionary for that matter). I grew up in church so the term “missionary” was not unfamiliar to me. It takes a lot of effort and even more blessing from God to do the job right. God pretty much has to do everything. The amount of prayer and listening to God required is insane, but it’s the only way to do the job. If you are around one of these great people, you can just feel the passion oozing from their pores. These people just give and give of themselves to everyone they encounter, and if they didn’t meet God everyday, I am totally sure they would completely run themselves into the ground with people, stress, and things to do. You better hear from God or you won’t make it.

I had many reasons for doing this “Give a Year”. The first reason is I felt called to do it, like it was something I was supposed to do. Also I did sign a card that said I would commit to that at the World Missions Summit the last time it was held. I had to hear that call twice before I went forward like I was supposed to. Also, I thought it was the right thing to do for the ministry that really set my life right. I grew up in a Christian home, but I wasn’t really a true Christian until I came across Chi Alpha at Purdue. I kinda felt like I at least owed them something, and most people value time more than anything. My time was the only thing I had to give.

I have experienced a lot over this year (this is pretty condensed):

One thing was how to be better organized. “Getting Things Done” was one of the books that I read this year that changed my life. It’s a lot about how to stay on top of the tasks that you need to do. Go to the store, finish the report, prepare for the meeting, or anything else in life. If you are having struggles keeping organized or are having trouble remembering things, implementing the concepts from this book will put an end to that. I think everyone my age (mid-20s) should read this book.

Another great book was “Discover Your God-Given Gifts”. This book really opened my eyes to all the relationships in my life. It talks about gifts we have according to Romans 12:6-8 that make each of us unique people. (See if you can guess what I scored.) I think after I read this book, I kept analyzing all the people I came into contact with. It helped me realize what I could work on as a person in all my work and personal relationships and that God created people with different personality traits, and I need to live with them no matter how far up the wall they drive me.

I learned a lot about dealing with young children in my time at the daycare I worked at part time. It was such a privilege to work there. All my co-workers were great to me. They showed me things when I didn’t know how to do stuff like change a diaper or make a bottle of formula. I was putting diapers on backwards for my first few days because I was confused, haha. Hey, that could have happened to anyone right? I just remember being scared for my life before my first day working there. I didn’t know anything about kids. I got to work about 15 minutes early my first day and began to intercede fervently because I was so scared. I had no idea what I was getting into. One of my friends that worked there told me that the kids would probably become very attached to me, but she never told me how attached I would be to the kids.

Since I was dealing with kids that were so young, their growth was happing at incredible rates. There was this one little girl, for example, that was only able to flop around on her belly when I first got there, and by the time she left, she was chasing me down for hugs. There was this other time I was in the 2 year old class and we were eating our snack. We had these cheese cubes as part of snack. Without even thinking, I started to stack my cheese cubes into towers and stuff. Then I looked around and all the other kids were stacking their cheese cubes into towers and saying “tower!” I gave up on trying to get them to eat the cheese. All I could do was put my head down on the table (and laugh)… Watching and encouraging the young infants to learn to walk was also an experience, and I was able to watch a few of them figure it out. I was puked on a multitude of times, which as you can imagine was also fun. There was this one baby that I swear was saving her puke for me. She would “tag” me every single week. But she eventually stopped so we could become friends. There was also this time I was ordered to remove my coat by a 2 year old girl upon entering the classroom, complete with hands on hips and mean look and yes I listened to her. I miss those kids more and more every day and it breaks my heart how everything had to happen. It would be really great to see them again someday. I have tons of stories I could tell, so don’t be afraid to ask.

I also had many experiences that a minister might have. I went to any meeting that I could get into because I wanted to see how things worked. I got to stay on the staff floor at SALT (no one told me they get a free breakfast everyday). I helped my friend and fellow missionary Kate with a breakout session about giving a year back to Chi Alpha. I have not had the chance to follow up with anyone in that sessions, but the ones that were there seemed pretty serious about being there. I must say that the concept of “giving a year back” is a genius concept. It is much easier to hand over a year of your life than to hand over your entire life. Who knows? Maybe God would call you to hand over a year or your life, to give up your pursuits and go for the greater good that He has. He might just take care of you like He took care of me. They had great questions and everything. District Council was really fun. I felt very out of place in a building with so many pastors that have been in the ministry for so long. It was really fun to represent Chi Alpha there. Being in the same place as that many people that love Jesus does something to you.

I must say that Chi Alpha has been the only place in my life that I have felt I have belonged to some thing bigger than myself. I think a lot of people go through life struggling with their emotions and feeling left out and such and I think it’s because they don’t have something bigger to life for. God is bigger in thought and deed than we are.

Isaiah 55:8,9 says…

For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.

So plugging into God’s plan automatically gives you something bigger to live for. I think that’s what ultimately happened to me. For the past year, I was living for something much bigger than myself, and God richly rewarded me for it. I wouldn’t trade anything that happened to me this year for anything.

There is probably a lot more I could say, but I think I will stop here for now.

Talking to yourself...

Does anyone out there talk to yourself? I do.

I do it quite frequently. I love talking to myself. I often conduct entire conversations with myself. Others have noticed that I like to talk to myself. Does that make me weird? Yeah probably...

I do way too much thinking, and talking to myself helps me to separate some of my thoughts so I can better process them. Much like writing them down for most people. I would rather just say them.

I personally don't think there is anything wrong with talking to yourself. Especially if no one else will talk to you. Maybe that's why I do it all the time. I used to be the one that no one would talk to. People would either walk right by, or talk to all the other people in the circle. Just because I didn't seem that interesting.

You should try talking to the silent, shy person sometime. You never know what you will find. I can promise you as one who is/was like this, they are dying to talk to you. Also, they probably have tons of cool stuff to say that they have picked up from the conversations with themselves.

Things Never Turn Out How You Want Them To...

Although I am not a student anymore, I do still work for Chi Alpha, so it still makes it easier to think of my life in terms of semesters. Since this is my blog and I can say whatever I want, that's what I'm gonna do.

This semester has not turned out at all like I had planned. For those of you that truly know me, you would know that I probably had little to no plans. I did have some expectations, but things went differently. Maybe I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Maybe I had no idea what God had in store for me.

This was easily the hardest semester for me in many ways. I am trying to manage my own life now. I am trying to figure out who I am. I am trying to find my passions and dreams for my life. I am trying to grow to be a better man. I have found that in most cases, growing is not very comfortable.

Let's start with some of the good things that have happened this semester:
-I have learned to trust God a whole lot more (not enough room to fully explain here...)
-The daycare job has been the best job I have ever had
-great coworkers
-great babies/tots
-pushes all the right buttons inside of me
-for some reason (which I can't explain) the babies/tots seem to love me...
-My prayer life is increasing slowly
-corporately
-spiritually
-I have enough money (God has made sure of that)
-I am much better at Halo: Reach than Halo 3
-met more new, great people
-had my first ever babysitting job (which was scary, but turned out okay)

Here are the not so good things that have happened:
-I have had less time to spend with the people that truly matter to me
-less free time (which I expected to happen)
-lots and lots of stress
-Still searching for what to do for a career
-Sick Grandma

Although it has seemed like the hardest semester for me to date, I think I have done the most growing this semester as well, especially spiritually. I feel closer to God than ever before. I think that if most of us would actually stop and think, we would have no choice but to conclude that we are truly blessed by God. He totally looks out for us and only has the best in mind for us. It's all a part of growing up.

I am definitely a different person after this semester, certainly for the better! (At least as far as I can tell...)

The Search for Mrs. Hull

I know what you're thinking, and this is not some announcement or update or anything like that. Believe me, when I find her, everyone will know about it. I will never be able to contain that kind of information, haha. Following after God can be and often is very costly. Scripture in fact says that you should take up your cross daily and follow Jesus. Following in this area has easily been the most difficult of my life, and I would argue that it is one of, if not the most difficult areas to surrender to God in anyone's life. I think this is because it flies in the face of everything we have seen in our world growing up, or even been taught in school or at home. We are supposed to grow up and when we are a certain age, we are supposed to have our own family. I think there are somethings that are easy to give up, like listening to bad music or seeing bad movies, but giving up dating and relationships is giving something up that affects the rest of your life. Giving up the thoughts, dreams, ambitions of that nature can be very difficult, especially outside of the grace of God.

Not having dated a whole lot previously does make it a little easier to give this up. I don't have to change my lifestyle a lot in order to surrender in this area of my life. I think I have maybe been on 2 or 3 legitimate dates, which I will not even begin to get into (I know you all are soooooo shocked to hear that, hahahaha). I consider myself lucky that I haven't been hurt in a relationship like that before, and I don't ever intend to get hurt.

It is kinda difficult to live your life with the thought that you could have met your perfect match, know that the time is not right at this moment. My perfect match, the one God has picked out for me, could be sitting right next to me while I am writing this blog for all I know. Do you ever wonder that? Do you ever wonder if you have already met your perfect match and just haven't connected the dots? I just have no way of knowing. Maybe if you have some way of knowing, you could tell me? It is so enormously difficult to wait on God, but with His Grace, I can do it.

I also realize that I am no where near ready for her, even if she comes along into my life, or if she already has. I have a little ways to go...

I just hope she can wait for me too...

One Month Update...

Hello everyone!

I guess I haven't been writing on this blog too often lately. I have been busy with work at the daycare, and work with Chi Alpha Purdue. This first month has definitely been a life changing month for me. I now absolutely love and adore kids, especially the younger ones after working at the daycare. I can now change a diaper correctly and fairly quickly. I have gained limited experience on the administrative side of running a large scale ministry like the one here at Purdue Chi Alpha. I still have this feeling that things are just getting started here, even after four years of being on campus, or in my case a month of being on campus. I feel as if we are on the verge of explosion, that God is preparing to do something bigger than we have previously experienced here.

Even after a month of being here, I am still trying to find my place among the staff, my role, how I can fit in among the other staff members. It is always tough coming in from the outside and trying to make yourself part of a group, but I know God has a place and a plan for me here, so I try not to worry about that so much.

This has so far been a month of firsts. The first time I've lived on my own, the first time I've gone grocery shopping for myself, the first time I've held a baby, the first time I've changed a diaper, the first time I've lead a bible study, the first time I've trusted God so much.

It has been a wild and crazy ride, and it can only get better from here...

Little Children

As many of you may or may not already know, I now work at a daycare during the day. After working there for a few days, I have gained a new prospective in life. And a new prospective on what Jesus was talking about in Matthew 18: 5, 6 which says:

5: "And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. 6: But of anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.

Before last week, I had never really played with kids, much less be responsible for their well-being for most of the day. Needless to say, I was extremely scared before going in for the first time on Friday. I had to do a lot of praying beforehand. I feel that God blessed my prayers and answered them. I am trying to have a great attitude about this job, and I believe it's working. My job at the daycare doesn't even feel like actual work yet...

It amazes me how trusting children are. Today, I would hold out my arms wide open and smile, and most of, if not all would run to me without doubt or question. I think this type of trust and belief that children have is was Jesus was talking about. You should never take advantage of children or even believers who are young in the faith. At such young ages, children don't have the ability to think for themselves and make their own decisions yet. I now have more revelation about this passage in the book of Matthew. Yay!