Nicknames

I have always wanted a nickname. Something fun or abbreviated that people call me. Like "Andy" for "Andrew" or "Mike" for "Michael" or "Becca" for "Rebecca" (or "Bekah" for "Rebekah" alternatively). Or something fun like "The Situation" if any of you have ever seen Jersey Shore... Since I don't really have friends I have known longer than say 5-10 years, it's not like I have lifelong friends that know me inside and out.

Obviously there are some rules regarding nicknames like you can't give yourself a nickname or stuff like that. I am all about following the rules and stuff.

I think one acceptable one for me is "Paulie". Its an augmented version of my name. Since I have such a short name, in order to have a different form, I have to add on to it. I have 3 or 4 people that currently use that to get my attention regularly, so I think it counts...

I guess I will start introducing myself as "Paulie" instead of "Paul" and see what happens...
(and if you read this, you should know what to call me from now on.)

Finding Yourself...

People talk all the time about "finding yourself" or whatever that means... (I don't exactly know.) If I was to guess, I would imagine it to mean finding that one thing God has naturally made you to do for which you have so much talent that it comes naturally or perhaps doing it just "feels right". I have always wondered what that felt like. It is so hard not to look around and compare myself to my peers. I had a friend once call me "Mr. Average" and that has stuck with me in the back of my head for years and years. I watch all the people around me and I feel like I am being left behind. I try to keep telling myself that one day it will be my turn, but I am tired of waiting for that day. Perhaps I am not ready for that day, I don't know. I once even had this prophesied over me (which went something to the effect of: you are watching all the people around you go forth and you want to go, but God is doing a work inside you so you can't go yet), so God clearly knows how I feel and has reached out to try to calm my nerves (on more than one occasion).

I realize that for the most part, no matter how talented or gifted you are, there will almost always be someone that will easily outshine you. At least when I measure myself against my peers, I have a slim chance of comparing favorably. Then I look to heaven and realize I have zero chance of measuring up. Which is depressing and encouraging at the same time. What would be the point in believing in a God that we can measure up to? We wouldn't need Him if we could do what He does...We could all be our own gods if we could do what He does...

I wish I could find my special place in life where I fit perfectly like two puzzle pieces that belong together or that thing I have a passion for. I feel like sometimes I am walking aimlessly through life without a clue as to what I am doing. I desperately don't want to get left behind. Pray that I find my calling. Pray that I find my passion. I am praying all the time. As you can tell, I need all the help I can get...

Goodbye Rusty...

Here is a song for while you are reading this...

Ignore the pictures in the video if you like (they are not mine), I am sure they are lovely though. Some random person made the slideshow. I just needed the song...

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This post is an extremely sad and tough one for me to write. But it's one of the few healthy ways I have of obtaining closure to this situation.

First, the reason I am writing this: My dog Rusty. Here are some memories I have of him.

I loved him. He passed away on Wednesday July 7th. I think he was sick or something and that in combination with the heat and extreme difficulty breathing eventually lead to his death. This will sound weird, but it's the first time I have actually experienced death in any part of my family, and I don't care what people say, Rusty was a part of my family. He ended up deteriorating over the course of a week or so as far as I can tell. My Dad says he hasn't been the same since the last time he ran away which was a few months ago. I still don't know why or how he died, but he is gone forever... I didn't really cry until he was on the table at the vet and we had to say goodbye to him for the very last time. He was about 8 years old or so, which is about middle-aged for Rottweilers/German Shepherds.

Here are a few pictures of him. First some from when he was younger. We got him from the Hamilton County Humane Society when he was 11 weeks old. He wasn't even housebroken yet, which made for a kinda funny first few weeks if you catch my drift...

You can see from the pictures why he was so hard to say no to at the shelter... We did get to meet his mother at the shelter, which was the Rottweiler. I remember being so excited when we got him. He was our first legit pet. He was 11 weeks and 11 pounds or so when we first got him. At that time we could pick him up quite easily. That only lasted about a few more weeks, though.

He was so young that he wasn't house broken yet. There was this one time I left my Sega controllers on the ground, and he pooped on them. I was only mildly upset at the time (you try getting upset at something that cute...). It was a pretty small mess, and therefore easy to clean up. It didn't ruin anything.

He did cheat death this one time. He got loose from us and was running around the neighborhood. He wandered out onto the road. I was following behind him, keeping an eye on him since he wouldn't come back to us quickly. There was a car coming down the street and he darted out onto the pavement. The car saw him and slowed down, but it was too late and Rusty got hit by the car. He was pretty big at this point and the car slowed down enough that Rusty was only left with a scar and a bump. He didn't even break a bone or anything like that, cause he was a beast.

Here are some ones from when he was a little older...

In case you can't tell by now, he was a German Shepherd and Rottweiler mix. He ended up around 115 pounds or so when he was finished growing and was tall/long enough to put his paws on my shoulders. I am about 5 ft 11 inches tall. In conclusion, he was HUGE!!! He was probably big enough for small children to use as a horse or something... I used to joke with other people that had dogs that I judge them by whether or not they could fit into my dog's food dish. At peak size, he was able to eat off our dining table just by standing right next to it, so we had to be careful for that. I used to love wrestling with him. And I could do this because he was very large. I also loved the fact that I could bear hug him. As someone that reserves hugs for the special people or situations in my life, this says something.

Aside from not being well trained for walking, he was very well behaved. I was able to teach him how to greet people. He would offer his paw for a shake if you held your hand out for him. If you had a piece of food or a treat in your hand, and he knew that you had it, he would first sit down and then he would lay down automatically. We had toys for him, so he wouldn't really chew through our stuff. He was very loyal. When I would fight with my sister and we would hit each other, he would growl at us because of his protective nature. While under normal circumstances he would barely hurt a fly, if something were to happen to us I had full confidence that he would defend us to the end. I used to get a good laugh when he would be terrified of dogs 1/10 of his size because they were barking at him. I thought it was hilarious when he would chase the leaves blowing in the wind. He was so strong that conventional leashes were not good enough. We had to use steel cable or chain when we walked him.

Eventually he got pretty huge, so we built him a house outside for him to live in if we were gone from the house. My Dad and I built it ourselves, which was a good time. They were pretty good accommodations as far as I was concerned.

Having a dog really impacted my life. I had a rough time making close friendships throughout high school and the beginning of college. No matter how my day went, I could depend on Rusty to be excited to see me and try to use his tackle and lick attack on me. He was always available for comfort. He was the closest thing to unconditional love I will probably experience on this earth... That is the great thing about dogs. You could be completely mad at them and it won't affect how they feel about you. There is a reason why dogs are often referred to as man's best friend. I now know that personally.

Obviously there is no way I can make you understand what Rusty meant to me. There are just a handful of memories I have had. He brought untold amounts of joy to the Hull household during his years here.

The song is "New" by Bethany Dillon.

"You take an ordinary day

and turn it into flowers like the month of May

Yes you do

You see all my pain and cry over it for hours 'til I'm new again

Yes you do"

There will be other dogs, but there will never be another Rusty.

One Step at a Time...

You know, there's that proverb that goes something like...

"You can't walk a mile unless you take the first step."

... or something like that. (Don't quote me on that, haha)

But you get the idea...

I am by no means wise enough to suggest new proverbs (I will leave that to the professionals), but I propose this addition: You must also peek at where you are walking to (or at least have someone watching for you). It is important to walk with a purpose, or you will get lost. Lost in a store, lost in life, etc... The whole picture is important.

Examples:

The walls around Jericho didn't collapse on the first day. The Israelites had to start on the first day and journey to the seventh day. And even on the seventh day they had to still march seven times around the city... (Joshua 6) They had the big picture of the city of Jericho falling, and had to begin on the first day marching... They also had God watching or determining the future for them...

Or it's like when a guy first meets a girl. You don't jump straight to putting your arm around her or holding her hand. You start with trying super hard to remember her name and maybe a few details from your first, probably surface level conversation. Perhaps a little later you might secure that "first date". You also then will seek out the opinion of your friends about this new "person of interest". (Not that I am some kind of professional at boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, never having been in one yet...)

I am only merely trying to suggest that it is important to think about where you have been, where you want to go, and where you are actually going. I also think it's important to think about how you will get to where you are going. As for me, I have God watching my path, so I only have to see a step or two forward at a time. Any more than that and I just might explode. (which would be the end of this blog by the way.)

The first step is just as important as the last step, and you can't get to the last step without the first step.

Just something to think about.

Lord, Here I Go...

Lord, I don't know where you have called me,

But here I go.

Lord, I don't know what I am doing,

But here I go.

I have never trusted you like this before.

I can't imagine what it will be like.

I believe in you.

You will never leave me, you will never forsake me,

so here I go.

You have plans for me, you have blessings for me,

so here I go.

I know you are with me, so here I go...

Reflections on the Past 4-5 Years of My Life

Senior Year Part 2 (2009-2010)

Wow how time flies when you're busy obtaining your world class education at a world class institution such as Purdue University. I had finally arrived to what would be my last year at Purdue, although it seemed like it only took minutes to get there. The previous year I had lived alone, but this year I would have a legit roommate (and he is pretty legit...). I stayed in Cary since it was pretty cheap compared to some other residence halls. I had my friend Andy living in my room and my friend Dan living in my room as well (he was in the room so much that we should have charged him rent).

Since my college career was winding down and I was just finishing up some odds and ends, I didn't have that many classes left to take at this point. First semester I had 15 hours and second semester I had 12 hours, and they were not the most difficult I have ever had. Needless to say, I had a ton of extra time on my hands to do whatever I felt like. I would like to say I used that time for something productive, but I probably didn't. A lot of the time was spend watching my roommate doing his engineering homework.

This year was a little different for me. It was my last chance to make an impact on the campus. It was my last chance to leave my mark. And so that's what I tried to do there. I had an opportunity to meet a lot of new people in Chi Alpha and as it so happened, many of them lived in the dorms. I thought it would be nice, especially for the freshman that I had met who were new to this gigantic campus, if there was some way we could build some community. My solution was food, which solves most problems in life. I really enjoyed all the times I had with my friends at those huge lunch or dinner tables we had. I would look forward to the two or three times a week that I could eat with my friends. It was epic great times! We also had tons of adventures like the time we just walked all over the campus taking random pictures. We walked around the agriculture mall and the vet building on the campus (which has an animal grand prix portrayed in statue form). I built many memories that I will take with me for the rest of my life (or facebook can remind me if necessary) and I hope that they have something from this year that they can take with them as well.

Our Chi Alpha group was really taking off. God was pouring in the numbers for us. We had really had some growth, almost to the point of being too big for our current operations. It has been really great to watch what God is doing in this group of outstanding college students. Moving our main meeting to Fridays turned out to be an excellent decision, although I doubted it at first.

Last year I had a chance to do interviews for my clinical year of Medical Technology. It was round two for me. The two people I interviewed with last year happened to remember me. It took me a while, but I decided that was a good thing. I interviewed with three hospitals this time instead of two. I felt slightly more confident about it this year than last year. It was a very nerve-racking time for me, but I got through it with God's help. I didn't end up making it in again, but that turns out to be a good thing as I will explain later...

This year for spring break I decided to do something I had never done before. Go travelling on my own somewhere else. I visited my good friend Cory down in Vincennes, Indiana. I had such a good time playing his Xbox a lot and meeting more of his friends who were very nice and welcoming to me. It was really refreshing to me to visit him. I had a great time, and I hope to do more stuff like that in the future.

Now onto the two things that all seniors must face: Graduation! And what to do after graduation. My plan for after graduation for the last couple of years was to do the clinicals that I previously mentioned and then become a Medical Technologist. Those plans were trashed when I was rejected from going to the clinical classes. I hadn't really thought about what I would do as a backup plan before. I hadn't even really looked for a job for after graduation like most people would do. I didn't have a clue what I wanted to do.

Well a couple of weeks before graduation, I decided to do the "Give a Year, Pray About a Lifetime" with Chi Alpha. That solves my planning issues for the next year at least...

I had a lot of things running through my head at the end of the school year. I was very excited to be done with school finally. I was feeling very accomplished, like I had finally reached the top of the mountain I had been trying so hard to climb the last five years. It was a surreal feeling to walk across that stage with all the lights shining on me. After all the hard work, after all the sleepless nights, after all the homework, projects, and other random assignments the professors liked to throw upon me, I won.

I had the paper to prove it too...

The last thing I guess I should mention is the graduation party I had. I was very worried that not many people would be able to make it because it was far away from Lafayette. However, I was pleasantly surprised to see that many of my friends were able to make it down. Some even made it that I wasn't expecting. I wanted everyone from my college life to have an opportunity to meet the people that make me who I am, my parents and sister. It was a great way to cap off my 5 year expedition.

At the end of the day, I am proud of everything that happened in those five years. I would never ever take any of it back.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Summer Update...

Here's a summer update so far...
I have sent out the first wave of my support letters for next year. I need to trust God to provide for me now (as always). I will be calling people soon and possibly meeting with them, but not before I do a ton of praying. I do not yet have a part time job for the summer, which is kind of a problem, but I will keep looking. In the meantime, I have been doing a bunch of reading. I am almost finished with UnChristian, I have just started Experiencing Father's Embrace and I did finally finish Power Through Prayer (although that one may require a second read through for full effect). I also have enough books on my shelf to keep me busy for the entire summer. This past weekend I visited West Lafayette and God provided for me! I think I may have my living situation for the next year figured out (and for a cheap price too, which is an answer to prayer). I also may have a part time job possibly lined up for next year, but we will see about that one haha. Kids are really not my thing yet, but I am willing to try... Now I am back at home and have to resume the grind of the summer. It is so tough to be away from "my people" but it is something I must do to get my ducks in a row. This Thursday I will be doing a film shoot for a Great Lakes Chi Alpha Promotional video which should be fun... That's all for now. Be back soon...